The Aftermath
by poeticgrace
Summary: One decision changed the lives of Lesley Lu Spencer and Dillon Quartermaine in ways that neither of them would have ever imagined.
1. Chapter 1

It was past midnight when I slowly crept down the grand staircase and snuck out the front door. Walking down the path, I'm not sure where I am going. I let my heart lead me, my thoughts consuming what little energy my small frame still has at this late hour.

_I shouldn't be surprised because this is how this whole thing started in the first place. You wanted me, Georgie or not, whether I was in love with somebody else or married to somebody else or not._

His words washed over me, leaving me feeling confused, angry, sad and guilty. The regret is overwhelming. Doesn't he know that I can't go back? God knows that I would if I could, but it's too late. If I had known where my lies would lead me, I would have never told them. I shouldn't have lied in the first place, I know that now. But we can't go back, and I can't change what I did.

_You didn't care about my feelings, you cared about Georgie's even less, and you didn't care who your lies wrecked, did you? And now, rather than be inconvenienced for nine months or, God forbid, gain a little bit of weight, you'd rather sacrifice human life._

Dillon has been angry at me in the past, but I have never seen him look at me with such hatred as he did tonight. His words were like venom, killing me over and over again. Hours later, the pain is still there. Resting my hands on my flat stomach, I hate myself for making this decision, for taking this opportunity away from Dillon.

_What is this about, Lulu? Is this about Georgie? Is this about me not being in love with you? Huh? Maybe it's about getting what you never had and always wanted – daddy's attention._

It was one of the two comments that would forever change the way I looked at Dillon. He knew that it wasn't about Georgie, it never was. This wasn't about hurting Georgie, my lie or my decision to terminate the pregnancy. The lie was about me being in love with Dillon, hopelessly and totally in love with him. Part of me thinks that I fell for him because he was the one person I felt like could see me. He liked me without condition. And even through all this, I loved him. However, a significant portion of my heart died when he went to the one place where he knew I was most vulnerable, my relationship with my father.

_One of us happens to be that dead baby's father._

I always knew what I wanted to do, even if I said that I didn't. Dillon was right, he didn't love me. I know that he offered to marry me, but I know that he'd end up resenting me in the end. And if he really looked at the situation, I knew that he didn't want the child either. He felt an obligation to the child that only exists technically, a mere kidney bean in my womb.

_You know what? I bet your mother would want you to have the baby._

That had been my breaking point. I think Dillon knew that it would be, even before the words escaped from his lips. He went the one place where he thought he could play on my guilt. In actuality, it had done the exact opposite, angering me from the darkest place. I thought he knew me better than that. Hell, I thought I knew him better than that. The Dillon I knew would never go there. Maybe I changed him, maybe I took away the kindness. I could blame myself for a lot, but I will never believe that I deserved what Dillon said to me in that moment.

Finally, I stopped walking. The pale moonlight danced off the lake at the Quartermaine estate, reflecting the million twinkling stars shining in the velvet sky. I kicked a rock absently, the small pebble bouncing off the end of my sandal. Looking ahead, I see where my heart has led me. Like a stupid criminal from one of those bad television specials, I've returned to the scene of the crime, back where it all began.

A single light is on in the Boathouse when I get to the door. Its amber glow through the translucent curtain tells me that someone inside is burning a candle. Without even opening the door, I know who it is. Part of me wants to retreat in the other direction, to keep running until I collapse. Another part of me knows what I need to do is see what is on the other side of the door.

His back is to me when I quietly open the door. Sitting on the floor, his knees are drawn up to his chin. Dressed in an old grey sweatshirt and tattered jeans, he is barefoot as he looks at the stripped wood floor below. His slightly trembling shoulders catch me off guard. My first instinct is to kneel behind him and wrap my arms around him, but I can't. I could stand there and watch him forever, but again, I can't.

"Dillon."

He turned slowly and looked at me. Tears rolled down his tanned face as his green eyes locked with mine. He held my gaze, reaching up to absently wipe the wetness from his cheeks. "Lulu."

"I should probably go," I replied before turning to leave.

"Why are you here?" he asked softly, stopping me in the doorway.

I didn't turn around when I answered him. I wasn't sure that I would have the courage to tell him the truth if I did. "I had to see if you would be here."

"And what made you think that I would?"

"Because this is where I would go if I was upset with you," I explained.

"Which is why you are here now?"

"Which is why I am here now."

"Are you sure, Lulu? I mean, are you 100 percent sure that this is what you want? You know that if you do this, we can't go back. We'll always wonder what would have happened."

"There is no 'we,' Dillon. You made that painfully clear earlier. You don't love me."

"I could learn to love you if that's what you need. Just tell me that you won't do this, Lu. We'll figure out the rest."

_Lu. _He called me Lu. He hasn't called me that since this all began. I want to agree, to let him find a way to love me just as I have found a way to love him. However, because I do love him, I want him to be happy. I know that he wants Georgie, not the baby or me. "I won't be an obligation or a burden. I won't let our child be one either."

"How can you be so selfish, Lulu?"

"You've already asked me that once today, Dillon, remember? Right after you called me a selfish bitch, I believe."

"I shouldn't have said that. I was just desparate. You understand desperation."

"Don't you realize that by forcing me to have this baby, you're just as selfish as I am for wanting to have an abortion?"

"Either way, one of us loses. One of us is the bad guy. I'll be the bad guy this round."

"I hate this."

"What did you expect, Dillon? Did you want me to just have this baby and then watch you raise it with Georgie? Come on, you're not ready. She's not ready. I'm not ready. I won't let our child grow up the same way we did."

"You called it our child," he realized.

"What?"

"The baby, you called it our child. That's the first time you did that."

"Stop. You need to accept this."

"I can't do that, Lulu. If you have this abortion…if you kill _our_ child, then as far as I am concerned, you are killing yourself. You will be dead to me."


	2. Chapter 2

Lulu took off running immediately. I watched as the heavy door slammed shut, causing my body to involuntarily flinch at the loud sound. Salty tears prickled my eyes as I squeezed them tight, willing them not to fall. I couldn't believe that I had just said such a horrible thing to her. I knew all her insecurities, weaknesses and fears. Rather than treat her with any sort of respect or compassion, I had used them to try to get what I want. I had never been more of a Quartermaine.

_Dillon's the father. He deserves to know._

I knew even before she told me what she was going to do, and I guess I should be grateful that she had the decency to even let me in on her decision. She knew that I would try to fight it, but she told me anyhow. Even in such an awkward situation, she was looking out for my best interests. I tried to play it off that she was being selfish, but she made the best decision she could for both of us. I wasn't ready to raise a child, no matter how much I tried to pretend. Half out of obligation and half out of family pressure, I had pushed for her to have the baby. Yet, I still felt relief when she finally told me.

_Well, I didn't take it lightly, and I hope you both know that. I'm going to terminate this pregnancy._

It was only later when I was with Georgie, cleaning out the boathouse that I had been able to admit it out loud. I had allowed her to comfort me, knowing that it was someone else I wanted to share this grief with. No matter how much she tried to be there for me, Georgie couldn't understand what I was going through. The only person who could understand was the person that I wanted to hate the most. And needed more than anything.

_Do you think that saying horrible things to me is going to make me want to have this baby?_

Lulu was the strongest woman I had ever met. She tried so hard to put on this big front that she didn't need anyone, but inside, she was just a little girl who wanted someone to love her. She had never had that stability. With her mother sick and her father always on the run, she'd had it as bad as I had in the parental department. Sure, she had her two brothers, but they had been kids themselves. And try as they might, her grandmother and aunt were never enough for Lulu. She wanted a family, and she could have used this baby to have one. She could have used our baby to trap me. I would have given in. I'd promised her that I would marry her if that was what she needed. I know she loves me, and she proved it when she didn't use the situation to get to me.

_How the hell would you know? You never even met my mother! If you want to have a baby so badly, go out and have one with Georgie!_

More than anything I said tonight, I regret bringing up her mother the most. She was right, I don't know her mother. It wasn't fair for me to go to such a malicious place intentionally. Desperation definitely does not bring out the best in me. It only creates this stifling darkness that is too heavy to bear. She had fainted a moment later, and it scared me. _Look at the person you have become_, I thought to myself. No matter what she had done, she didn't deserve this.

I flipped off the overhead light and headed out of the boathouse. The dark sky was so black that I couldn't see my hand in front of my face. The moon had slipped behind a cloud, leaving it even darker than normal. Past the lake, I looked up at the mansion before me. One lone light in the majestic house shone brightly, illuminating a graceful silhouette behind a curtain. I watched the figure for a moment as it paced slowly across the floor. It stopped, dropping its head. Hands covered the face for a minute longer until reaching timidly for the sheer material hanging over the bay window. As the curtain pulled away, a haunted Lulu looked out across the darkened estate.

I wanted to go to her, to tell her that everything would be alright. I wanted to tell her that I supported her decision, to let her know that I would be there to help her in any way that I can. I had promised that when she found out that she was pregnant, and I know now that I should have promised the same thing when she decided that she didn't want to be pregnant anymore. I had always declared that we were in this together, and I needed to be responsible enough to see it to the end.

I took off running, I had to get to her. The cool grass was wet beneath my bare feet as I ran toward the house at full speed. I kept my eyes glued on her standing in the window until I reached the front door. I knew that I was loud as I slipped up the staircase quickly, but I didn't care. I had to see her, I had to feel her, I had to tell her everything.

"Lulu, let me in," I called through the locked door. I knocked twice, loudly enough to elicit a glare from Alice as she stood in the doorway of her bedroom down the hallway. I waved her off dismissively.

"What do you want?" Lulu demanded from the other side. "I don't want to see you, and if you came here to tell me how horrible I am yet again, I don't want to talk to you either. I'm tired, and it's been a hard day. Just give me a break."

"Please, Lu, let me in." I could hear her pause at the door as I spoke to her softly. Her dark shadow blocked some of the light under the door. I reached for the doorknob, knowing that her delicate fingers were resting on the same metal fixture on the other side. "Please, Lu, let me in," I repeated.

Slowly, she pulled the door open and gazed back at me. I knew she wanted to put on an angry façade, but it was already faltering. She turned wordlessly and walked back toward the window. I stood silently, still gripping the knob tightly. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes briefly. Before I could even give it another thought, I took a leap of faith and crossed the room in three steps. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I pulled her firmly against me. She was crying, her body racked with tears as I held her.

"I'm so sorry," she murmured.

"You have nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who should be sorry. I am so ashamed of the way I spoke to you today, Lulu. You didn't deserve to be treated that way, and I hope that you can forgive me."

"I have to do this, Dillon. Don't you see that? Please tell me you see that."

I wanted to tell her that I did, but I couldn't. Instead, I turned her around in my arms and buried my face in her long golden hair. Her tears soaked the collar of my tee shirt, her nails digging into my back as she clung to me desperately. "This will be okay, Lu. I'm not sure how or when, but I promise you that it will somehow be okay in the end."


	3. Chapter 3

She fell asleep somewhere around three in the morning, and I sat watching her for at least another hour. She had made her decision, and by seven tonight, our child will exist no longer. I knew that she would try to be strong, to tell me that I had done enough and that I didn't need to be there. The truth was, I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I just knew that I didn't have a choice but to accept this.

I rolled over and shielded my eyes from the blinding sunlight pouring through the open window in my bedroom. My alarm clock next to the bed indicated that it was just past eight. I could hear Lulu's voice downstairs. She was talking to Luke about her appointment tonight. There was sadness in her voice, evident to anyone who could hear her. I wished that there was something that I could do.

_Well, I would love so much to go to Europe with you, but not now. I made my bed here in Port Charles, and I'm not going to run away._

You had to admire Lulu in that moment. As easy as it would have been for her to run away, she had chosen the high road, the responsible route that would eventually end with her making the right decision for herself. As much as people told her that she was a Spencer, it was one of those moments that she contradicted all the stereotypes her infamous surname carried. Luke would have run as fast as his legs would have carried him. Lulu, on the other hand, elected to remain here. It had to mean something.

Groaning, I crawled out of bed and pulled on a pair of cords from the top drawer of my bureau. Throwing on a tee shirt, I mussed my hair absently in the mirror before making the short trek downstairs to face the music. I stopped short of the sitting room where Lulu was curled up next to Luke. She looked so young and innocent next to her father, her blond hair pulled back away from her face. He held her hand in his, listening intently as she went over the final details with him. She asked a few questions, clearly worried. He tried to answer them, but for the most part, he didn't have the words that could provide her with the ultimate comfort she sought.

"Hey," I said softly as I finally came into the room. Lulu looked up at me with a sad smile while Luke grimaced at me protectively. I hated that Luke, someone I had grown to look up to, became automatically defensive in my presence now. I was happy, however, to note that Lulu wasn't as on guard as she had been a few days ago. "I just want a minute alone with her."

Luke stood and eyed me suspiciously. Turning, he looked at his daughter questioningly. Lulu nodded in response, waving her hand to indicate that it was fine. "I'll be right out here," he warned me as he pushed past me.

Once we were alone, Lulu relaxed against the couch. Pulling her knees up to her chin, she cocked her head and waited for me to sit down. When I didn't, she reached out and patted the cushion next to her. "Sit," she ordered.

"Look, I just wanted to tell you that I was sorry again. I've been horrible to you, we both know that. I wish that there was something I could do for you."

"You're doing it by making this choice be okay for me, Dillon. By not fighting me, you're making it that much easier for me to get through this," she replied.

"So if I had fought harder, maybe you wouldn't have made this choice?"

She shook her head firmly. "No, I think all roads would have led us right back here. I'm just glad that you didn't make the journey any more difficult than it already was."

"It was your choice all along, and I had no right to try and take it away from you. I guess I finally did something right," I murmured. The words hung in the air until we settled into a peaceful silence. The only sound in the room was her gentle breath and the steady ticking of the clock on the mantle.

"I didn't know this was going to be so hard."

I glanced up at her, noticing for the first time that she was crying. My first instinct was to reach up and brush her tears away. I wanted so much to draw her into my arms, but I wasn't sure that it would be right. I didn't want to know what it would be like to have her flinch at my touch. I couldn't stand the thought of her cringing against my fingertips. _Screw it,_ I thought as I wiped her tears away with the pad of my thumb. Resting her face in my palm, she smiled the same sad smile from earlier.

_It's more than enough that you're backing off. You don't have to help me do something that you're opposed to._

I sat there stunned as the words sunk into my brain. She was telling me that she wanted to do this alone, but I knew better. I knew that Luke would offer, but she didn't want him there. However, she did want me there. And I needed to be there, to hold her hand and look into her eyes when she needed reassurance. I didn't want her to go through this alone. I had vowed to be responsible when she told me that she was pregnant, and I would keep that promise. I was going to go with her, whether she liked it or not. I had finally accepted it was her right to end the pregnancy, but I would not relent on this issue.

"I'm going."

"No, please, I should do this alone," she insisted.

"Lulu, you need me," I replied. "I know you don't think you need anyone, but you can't do this alone. I won't let you."

"It's not up to you."

"Something in this has to be my choice. Please don't fight me on this. It's not just for you; it's also for me. If I only get to be a father for a few more hours…I just need to be there, okay?"

"Fine," she relented. "I'm going to go upstairs to get dressed. I'd like to take a walk along the docks before I go." She started to walk away but turned in the doorway and looked at me. "You can go with me if you want."

_Are you saying that you don't hate me?_

She asked me that later as we walked along the docks. She had dressed in a dark green velour tracksuit. As we walked, she kept pulling the jacket more tightly around her body, as if to protect herself from the future as well as the icy wind. I'd stood behind her, resting my chin on her shoulder, staring out across the same blue water. My hands had involuntarily moved to her stomach. She rubbed her hands down my arm and laid them on top of mine. It made me sad to realize that we would never feel a kick or see her belly swell. Still, no matter what, I couldn't hate her. Not even close.

"It's almost time," I told her as the sun started to slip below the horizon.

She looked up at me and shook her head vehemently. "It can't be. It's too soon."

"It's 6:30."

She ran her hands across her face and through her hair. "I'm scared."

"So am I."

_I – if I could go back, I – I mean, I, I wish that things had been different._

So did I…I wished I had told her how I felt sooner. Still, it wasn't too late. Yet.


	4. Chapter 4

Dillon is quiet on the way to General Hospital. His eyes are dark when he pulls the car into a narrow parking space near the main entrance. "We're here," he stated evenly. He didn't look at me as he kept his eyes glued to the bright hospital sign a few feet in front of the car.

"We're here," I repeated, letting the thought seeped into my mind. I drummed my fingers nervously on the dashboard, trying to muster the courage to open the car door and start the long journey toward the women's clinic.

He smiled at me sadly before he slid out of the car door. I watched as his dark shadow came around the front of the car. Carefully, he helped me out of my seat and then entwined his fingers in mine. "Are you ready?"

I shook my head and looked at our feet as we stopped. "How could I be?"

"You can't," he answered. "I wish there was something I could say or do, but I don't think there is. I think the only thing I can do is hold your hand and promise that I'm going to be there for you."

"Do you have any idea how much that is? That's everything to me, Dillon," I told him. "When this all started, you're all that I wanted. I'm sorry that I was so selfish."

"Stop it," he chided. "If I'm not angry at you anymore for that, you don't get to be angry at yourself either. I have forgiven you, Lu. And we will have all the time in the world to delve into that later. Right now, though, we need to go in there and do this."

"No point in delaying the inevitable," I agreed as we started to move forward again. Silently, he led me into the atrium and past the volunteers at the front desk. An older woman smiled at me warmly. She probably thought we were some young couple in love coming to visit a friend. I wanted to tell her that it was a lie. Dillon put his arm around my waist as we stepped into the elevator. Resting my head on his shoulder, I watched as the number lit up until we reached the ninth floor.

"I'll get the paperwork," he said softly as I sat down in an uncomfortable plastic chair inside the waiting room. I watched as he conversed quietly with the ancient-looking woman behind the sliding glass window. With a clipboard tucked under his arm, he returned to where I was. "Do you want me to fill it out?"

"I can," I muttered as I take it from him. Scrawling somewhat legibly on the form, I completed it in record time. Handing it back to Dillon, he slowly walked over to return it to the nurse. I watched him from behind, his back tense and shoulders drooping slightly. I felt guilty for the thousandth time that day as I realized what a toll this was taking on Dillon.

When he sat back down next to me, he automatically reached for my hand. "Do you want me to go in with you? The nurse said I could go in for at least a part of it."

I shook my head. "No, I'd rather you stay out here. I promise that I will have them come get you as soon as it's done."

He nodded. "Whatever you want."

"Lulu Spencer," a doctor announced. I didn't recognize the woman.

Dillon stood up next to me and took me into his arms. Pressing his cool forehead against mine, he smiled the most reassuring smile I'm sure he could muster. "Good luck."

"Thanks," I murmur, squeezing his hand one last time. I started to walk away, but he held onto my hand with a fierce grip, yanking me back to him. Dipping down, Dillon's lips met mine briefly. When he let go, my fingertips flew to where his lips had been only moments before. Neither of us said anything as I turned to leave.

The doctor left me in an empty, sterile room. The only sound I could hear was the steady ticking off the clock hanging on the blank white wall. I quickly removed my tracksuit and pulled on the flimsy paper gown. Tying the drawstrings in a loose bow behind my neck, I slid onto the cold table and waited for someone to come make this all go away.

_Lulu. Are you okay?_

I didn't answer him, I just nodded as we headed back to the car. The doctor had let me out of the room, and I had followed him out of the hospital like a zombie. He kept trying to make sure that I was okay, looking for reassurance that some part of me was still in there. I wanted to scream at him for asking the same question over and over again, but I couldn't find the strength. The weight of my decision had left me an empty shell of the vivacious woman I had long pretended to be.

The radio played a slow jazz standard as Dillon made his way through the streets of Port Charles. The rain had started to come down in the past hour, leaving the pavement illuminated with silver light. Warm air poured from the vents, giving me the only comfort I could find in such an instance. Periodically, I would catch him looking at me out of the corner of my eye. His mouth would open and snap shut again, as if he wanted to ask me something but was afraid to voice it.

_See? Despite all their craziness, they have moments where they act almost human._

I just smiled and nodded as I sunk onto my bed. Dillon pulled the thick quilt over my body as we started to talk about what had just happened with his family. I had expected them to instantly attack me as soon as I got in the door, but instead, they had been compassionate.

"No one here is in a position to judge you, my dear," Edward said.

"Our only concern is your well-being," Tracey added.

I had asked why they were being so nice to me, immediately suspicious of their uncharacteristic behavior. Given the circumstances, I had expected the worst from them. However, both Edward and Tracey had been quietly supportive and kind before excusing themselves.

"I can't believe they were so great," I murmured as I turned to look at Dillon. He was sitting in the overstuffed chair next to my bed. He reached for my hand and placed a gentle kiss on my knuckles.

"They're not all bad," he smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," I replied simply. "Tired and confused, completely unsure of everything."

"There are so many things I want to tell you, but we have time," Dillon told me. "When I was in the waiting room, I figured out a lot of things. One of those things, the one that I need to tell you right now, is that this changed everything. And I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean that it made me realize how I feel about everything…about you."

"And how do you feel?" I questioned him sleepily.

"I feel good."

"You should hate me."

"Maybe I should, maybe you should hate me. Either way, that's not the case. I already told you, it's not even possible."

"You're amazing," I whispered through my yawn.

"I should probably let you sleep."

"Okay," I agreed as he stood up. He reached down and kissed my forehead.

"I'll see you in the morning," he called over his shoulder.

"Hey, Dillon."

He stopped just before opening the door and turned to look at me. "Yeah?"

"I didn't have the abortion."


	5. Chapter 5

"I didn't have the abortion."

I looked at Lulu, sure that this was all a horrible joke. "What do you mean you didn't have the abortion?"

"I couldn't go through with it," she replied hesitantly.

"You let me think that you went through with it all night. You let my family and I mourn for a child that we thought was dead. How could you not tell me?"

"I wasn't sure that I was going to keep it still. I didn't know how I would feel, or how you would feel about me. I wanted to figure out a few more things before I went through with it."

"And you couldn't tell me that? I would have understood that, Lulu."

"I know what I want to do now."

"Unless you are telling me that you're going to keep the baby, don't speak to me," I spat angrily. I couldn't believe she was doing this to me, putting me through this again. I know it's her body, but this is my heart.

_Oh, don't pretend like you know how I feel, because you can't. And if I want to sit in here and stare at the walls all day, then that's my choice and it's not yours._

Lulu looked down at her hands in her lap and took a deep breath. "I'm going to keep the baby. Our baby." Tears shone as her eyes met mine. I covered my mouth in disbelief, gaping at her unsure that this was all real. She turned away from me, seemingly unable to maintain the connection.

Slowly, I made my way back to where she was huddled in her bed. Reaching down, I took her chin in my palm and brought her eyes back to mine. "Our baby," I repeated in a whisper. She nodded silently as I sat on the bed next to her. Tears were beginning to stream down her delicate face. Pulling her into my arms, I held her like I should have the night that she told me she was pregnant. "We're going to be parents."

"I don't know how we're going to do this."

"I don't either, but we'll do this together. Lu, that's what I was talking about earlier when I told you I had figured some things out. I figured out that I don't want to live my life without you in it. You and this baby are all that matter to me right now."

"What about Georgie?"

I looked at her, knowing that part of me was still in love with Georgie. Everything was so confused and jumbled inside. I wanted to tell her that she was the only one I loved, but I couldn't lie to her. Lies had brought us here in the first place. "I honestly don't know."

"That's not good enough for me, Dillon. I want you to be a father to this child, but I won't be with you until you want to be with only me. I can't let myself get hurt like that; it wouldn't be fair to you, me or our baby."

"But Lulu…"

"Just go, Dillon. I'm tired. We don't have to figure out everything tonight."

"What will we tell my family?"

"I said we don't have to figure this out tonight!" she shouted with fiery anger in her eyes. "Just get out."

"Lulu."

"Get out!" she demanded. She pulled herself out of my grasp, her arms crossed protectively over her abdomen.

The events that came after that have been blocked out by some part of my mind. She continued to get angry, shouting accusations and threats at me. I knew that she was scared, and a part of me wished that I had just lied to her. Finally, I obliged her request and ended up tramping back upstairs to my bedroom alone. I couldn't sleep, I knew that I was so wound up that I wouldn't be tired for hours. Instead, I sat on the balcony and looked across the quiet Quartermaine estate. In my hands, I clutched a photo album. It was photographs of all of us together, Georgie and Maxie and Lulu and Diego and Brook Lynn and Lucas and me. On the front page, there were two photographs – one of Georgie and me on her graduation day. The other was of Lulu and me before prom. Alice had insisted on taking a photo.

_My life isn't your concern anymore. You're not tied to me by some sense of obligation. You don't love me. And hell, if you didn't even talk to me anymore, I'd be just fine._

I shut the book angrily and went back in the house. I pulled the two photos from their protective sleeve and set them against my bedside lamp. Turning the light on, I noticed that the beam flooded Lulu's image brightly, leaving Georgie in the dark. Was it a sign?

A soft knock at my door interrupted my revelation. I knew it was her. "Come in, Lu."

"How'd you know it was me?"

"Because I figured it would take you this long to feel bad about what you said."

"I was just scared, Dillon. I don't want to lose you. But I didn't mean what I said…I won't be fine if you don't talk to me. I know that you love me in some way, you just don't know how yet. And I know that you care about me, my life is your concern because of that."

"I wish I could promise that this was going to be easier, but there is so much I don't know right now. But you were right, we don't have to figure this out yet. We have nine months."

"Eight," she corrected me. We both laughed, probably for the first time all night.

"Grandfather is going to be thrilled."

"Your mom, too."

"And your dad?"

"He'll be happy that I made the right decision for myself. He told me that he would try to be a better grandfather. I don't know, Dillon. It may be the hormones, but I believe him."

"I'm happy for you. It's good that you have him."

"He left again, you know."

"I know. How are you dealing with it?" I asked as she settled into my bed beside me. Pulling the blanket around her body, she rested her head on the pillow next to mine. Turning to face me, we were laying on our sides. My arm wrapped around her back, pulling her closer to me. I needed to feel her warmth."

"He's doing it for me. I trust him. He promised that he would come back and keep in touch, and he will. This didn't just change everything for you and me, it changed something in my dad. I don't know how to explain it."

"Maybe we are all getting a new beginning."

"I don't know if I believe that Dillon," she whispered sleepily, "but I can sure hope for it. I just know that I made a decision and I will carry it with me for the rest of my life."

_You fail a lesson in life, and you're done. You're marked forever. You don't get a second chance._


	6. Chapter 6

The sun is pouring through the window by the time I woke up the next morning. Tucked beneath the thick blanket beside me, Dillon slept peacefully. I enjoyed the even rise and fall of his chest, an intimate moment that I would tell our child about years from now. It was that moment that I knew that I was still in love with Dillon, and that that love wouldn't be leaving me any time soon. I wanted to tell him how I felt, and I would in time. Before then, I had to figure out what I was going to do with the rest of my life.

"Good morning," he whispered sleepily, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. He smiled at me warmly as he managed to sit up. Leaning over, his lips met mine briefly before I pulled away.

"Morning breath," I giggled, wrinkling my nose at the taste.

He laughed. "It's been a long time since I, you know, woke up with someone in my bed."

"Well, I didn't have to stay last night if you didn't want me to."

"No, I wanted you here. It's nice to wake up to you."

"Be careful what you say, Mr. Quartermaine, you just might end up with me forever."

I couldn't believe I just said that. Dillon just looked at me with a wide smile and shook his head. He reached down and grabbed his discarded dark grey t-shirt from the floor beside the bed. "So, we need to tell my family."

"Do we have to?" I grumbled.

"Not today."

"Really?"

He nodded. "But I do want to tell Georgie."

I returned his nod. "She has been great through all this. You're right, she deserves to know. And I won't infringe on your time with her."

Dillon must have got the inflection in my tone. "Lu, you know how I feel…"

"I know, and we don't have to talk about it. In fact, can we not talk about it? I'd just like to go down and have breakfast. I'm famished, and I think the baby is hungry."

"The baby," he whispered, shaking his head. "What does the baby want?"

"The baby wants fresh orange juice, scrambled eggs and wheat toast."

"I think I can take care of that," Alice said from the doorway.

"Oh, Alice!" I exclaimed, totally caught off guard.

"Do you not knock anymore?" Dillon asked.

"Actually, I'm saving your butt, Mr. Dillon," Alice replied haughtily. "Your mother is looking for Miss Lulu, and I told her that I would go upstairs rather than have her come bother her. Had she walked in there and saw that she was missing, she would have come here. After what has happened over the last few days, I figured it was the last thing you wanted."

"Thanks, Alice, you're right, Dillon replied.

"Any time. I will have your breakfast waiting on the table, Miss Lulu," she said with a bright smile.

"Hey, Alice?" I replied. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"I know everything about this family, I think I can safely say I will keep it."

"Well, since you're keeping my secret, I guess I should tell you what I kept."

"You mean…?"

I nodded. "Dillon and I are going to have a baby."

Alice bounced across the room and hugged me and then Dillon. "Congratulations."

"Remember, not a word to the family," Dillon told her.

"I promise," she smiled before heading downstairs to the kitchen. As she walked away, I noticed the extra energy in her step. Our news had brought joy to at least one member of the family. I knew the Quartermaines, especially Edward and Tracey, would be excited about my choice. I just wanted time to get used to it before I told them.

"Well, I should go down first. I'll see you in a few moments," he said absently before dropping a kiss on top of my head. Turning around, he studied me intently. "I just want to tell you thank you for keeping the baby, Lu. I can't wait to be a father."

_I just want to do something real with my life._

After he was gone, I sat alone thinking about my choice. Like Dillon, I was beginning to find myself unable to wait to be a parent. Though I would never admit it to anyone, I had dreamt of what our life would be like with a child. I love this child, and its father, entirely too much to have it any other way. Even though I knew he still cared for Georgie, I had to trust that he would eventually come back to me.

Stretching, I crawled out of the bed. I snuck down the hallway and changed quickly. Tossing my pajamas in the wicker hamper, I threw on jeans and a tight-knit sweater. I might as well get good wear out of my clothes while they still fit. Satisfied with my reflection in the mirror, I headed down to meet the Quartermaine clan head on. They were already avidly bickering by the time I reached the dining room.

"Good morning, Lulu," Monica smiled brightly. I had always liked Monica. Other than her constant reminder that the mansion is hers, she was usually the voice of reason in the family. Rarely did she get on my case; instead, she was just content to leave me to my own business.

"Good morning, Monica," I returned. "Good morning, Alan."

Alan nodded a greeting from behind his world news section. He sipped his coffee, throwing the occasional insult his father's way. Edward was arguing with Tracey about the latest ELQ acquisition. Emily wasn't paying attention to anyone, scanning her textbook while chewing on a wedge of grapefruit.

_And no matter how many times I bury my head in the sand, I'm still going to come up for air and realize that the real world is there._

"Thanks, Alice," I said as she set the steaming platter in front of me. Taking a long drink of orange juice, I quickly became nauseous. "Excuse me."

"Is she okay?" Tracey asked Dillon pointedly.

"I'm sure she's fine. I'll go check," he remarked.

I hovered over the toilet in the hall bathroom, waiting to see if I'd get to see last night's dinner in reverse. Dillon kneeled behind me, drawing my long blonde hair off my neck. "Thanks."

"It's my job as the father," he murmured. "You feeling okay?" Just as he asked, I began to throw up. "Guess not."

After a few minutes, I was fairly certain that there couldn't be anything left in my stomach. Pushing the lever, I sat back against the cool wall and let myself rest. Dillon stood up and soaked a cool washcloth. Rubbing it over my forehead, he looked at me with concern. "Feel better?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I just had to make room for those eggs."

He laughed. "Come on, your breakfast is getting cold."

"Dillon, wait a second. I need to tell you something."

"What?"

"I want us to be together," I blurted out. He looked at me in shock. "Okay, I said it, and now, I want you to forget it. I had to say it, I had to get it out. But I don't want to put pressure on you. I want you to figure out what you want."

"I already know what I want."

_This sudden change of heart wouldn't have anything to do with you wanting your life to count for something, would it?_

_**Author's Note:** Sorry for the long hiatus, but sometimes life gets in the way. Hope you enjoyed the update, I promise to try to make them more frequent in the future. As always, thanks for reading and reviewing._


	7. Chapter 7

"I already know what I want," I said softly, looking her straight in the eyes. She gaped back at me, struggling to look into both of my eyes at the same time. Self-consciously, she tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear, waiting for me to tell her what I wanted. "I want to tell my family."

"Okay, not what I meant," she murmured under her breath. "Fine, let's go tell them. Whatever you want."

Huffing, she turned and stalked back toward the dining room. I should have just told her how I felt, but I'm not ready. My love for Georgie is still a part of my life, and until I am completely ready to let that go, I don't want to lead Lulu on. I don't want to lead the mother of my child on. Oh, and I'm scared out of my mind.

_Dillon, you are so talented, the way that you see things and the way that you express yourself…You're actually passionate about something._

"I have an announcement," Lulu stated boldly as I crept into the room behind her. Standing proudly, she had her hands on her hips.

"Well, out with it," Grandfather retorted as he sat his cup of coffee back on the table.

"I didn't have the abortion," she replied plainly before sitting down in her chair.

"You didn't what?" Alan asked, his eyes wide.

"I don't think I heard you right," Monica said.

"Oh, that's great!" Grandfather exclaimed, clapping his hands grandly before jumping to his feet.

"Lulu, I am very glad to hear that," my mother said softly, embracing Lulu lightly. It was an unusually tender moment for my mother, and everyone in the room was left speechless at the sight.

"Yes, congratulations, Dillon!" Emily remarked brightly, hugging me tightly as Monica and Alan followed suit.

"What made you change your mind? Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Grandfather asked.

_Dillon, I just want you to be honest with yourself deep down. Maybe you're trying to compensate for getting me pregnant or maybe you're trying to make up for what you see as some massive cosmic error._

"He didn't know," Lulu spat. "Look, I just wanted to tell you all. I'm tired. I think I will just go upstairs to my room to rest."

"I'll help you," Emily offered. Lulu looked at me darkly and allowed my cousin to lead her up the stair case.

"Well, we should get to the hospital," Alan said to Monica, shoving an apple in his briefcase before heading out of the dining room with his wife in toe.

Grandfather grinned at me. "I should probably be getting to the office, too. Tracey, I will see you in a few hours for the board meeting."

My mother waved dismissively, waiting silently until we were alone again. "Well, my youngest son, you're going to be a father. How do you feel?"

I shook my head. "Confused, scared, excited, thrilled."

_Who do you think you're fooling?_

"Well, whatever you are feeling, it needs to come second to how that girl upstairs is feeling," my mother told me. "Your life isn't just about you anymore. I know you are still with Georgie, but you need to figure this out. And you need to figure it out fast."

"I know, Mom."

"No, you don't. You have no clue."

"I should go check on Lulu."

"You can run away from me, Dillon, but you can't run away from your life."

My mother's words echoed in my head as I jogged up the stairs. Emily was shutting Lulu's door just as I reached the top landing. "How is she?"

"She's scared, Dillon. Go in, ease her fear."

"How do I do that?"

"You'll find a way," Emily reassured me wisely. Her kindness reminded me of Grandmother in that moment. Though she was not biologically related to Lila Quartermaine, there was no one in this family that was more like her than Emily. With one last warm smile, she disappeared and left me alone with the inevitableness of my future.

I reached up and knocked on the door. "What?" Lulu demanded from the other side.

"I'm thinking the stress can't be good for the baby," I joked as I came into the room. "Besides, they say that a baby recognizes a mother's voice. I doubt that the last thing you want him or her to remember is you yelling at its father."

"Shut up," she declared as she threw me the dirtiest look. "What do you want?"

I sauntered over and sat on the edge of the bed. She pulled her shawl tighter around her body, fingering the tassel absently between her fingers. "Was that your mother's?"

She nodded silently, dropping her eyes to stare intently at the pale pink chenille fabric. "It's been in our family for generations. She used to wear it whenever her and my father would go out dancing. I can remember this one time when I was a little girl, they were going to the Nurse's Ball. She looked so beautiful, just like an angel, my father said. She took this shawl that night, and when she got home, she came into kiss me goodnight. When she leaned over to hug me, it tickled my cheeks, making me giggle. It was a perfect moment, the perfect memory."

Her voice was soft as she finished. She looked up at me for the first time since I had come into the room. "I miss her. I wish she was here. She would know what to do."

"She is here," I replied tenderly, drawing her into my arms. She leaned her head against me, burying her face into the nook of my shoulder. Pulling her back so that I could look in her eyes, I took her hand in mine. "She is here," I repeated, laying her hand on the top of her head to indicate her memory. "And she is here," I told her as I laid her hand on her stomach, signaling our child. "Most of all, she is here," I finished, laying her hand flat against her heart.

"She's all I have. She's the only one who is here."

_What part of "Be honest with yourself" don't you understand?_

I brushed the same tendril of hair behind her ear that had escaped from earlier. "No, she is not the only one who is here. I am here."

"You're here now, but you're not really here."

"I'm here," I insisted, looking deeply into her eyes, praying that she will get the intent of my words. Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her tightly to me. "I'm here. I want to be here. I want to be here forever. The past is over, you're my future. Our family – you, me and this baby – are my future."

"Dillon, what are you saying?" she whispered, pulling back again until her eyes met mine.

"I'm saying that I love you."

"You love me?"

"I am so in love with you."


	8. Chapter 8

I reached up and ran my fingers lightly across Dillon's cheek, letting my touch linger for a moment. I had waited a lifetime to hear those words, but when they finally came, they rang false. I knew that Dillon loved me, but he wasn't ready to say the words to me yet. He felt guilty, and he wanted to make me feel better.

"Don't say that," I whispered, dropping my eyes to avoid his steady gaze.

Dillon reached down and lifted my chin to bring my eyes back to his. Sobs choked me as I forced the sounds struggling to escape from my throat back down. "I mean it."

"I know you think you do, Dillon, and I appreciate you wanting to make me feel better," I replied. "I just, I just can't handle if you try to take this back later. If you tell me how you feel and then you go back to Georgie, I won't be able to get past it. So, let's just stop this now before it gets out of control."

"What if I don't want to go back?" he asked softly, peering down at me behind hooded eyes.

"You need to be sure. I need you to be sure. I wasn't what you wanted before, and I'm not sure that that has truly changed as much as you think it has," I said. "I need you to go. I can't do this right now."

Dillon looked at me sadly and shook his head. He opened his mouth to say something but snapped his jaw shut. Dropping my hand, he crawled off the bed and slowly paced across the floor. Without another look over his shoulder, he left me all alone once again.

_Don't do that. I just don't want you putting yourself down._

I leaned back against the headboard and crossed my arms over my stomach protectively. Looking down at my still flat abdomen, I finally allowed the sadness to wash over me. Salty tears prickled my blue eyes as I rubbed my hands over my womb, praying that my child would feel some kind of solace after what I had just put it through. "Hey, kiddo. It's your mommy, but I guess you would know that. Anyhow, I know you just heard me send your father away. I'm trying to do this for both of us, to protect myself. I don't want him to tell me he loves me until he's sure he doesn't love her anymore. Please don't be angry at me."

Another knock pounded against my bedroom door. Rolling my eyes, I prayed that it wasn't Dillon. I wasn't ready to go another few rounds with him quite yet. "Who is it?"

"It's me," Tracey called from the other side of the door.

"Come in."

"Hey," she greeted me with a soft smile. "I wanted to come talk to you. I wanted to let you know that I am really glad you decided to keep this child. Not just for Dillon but for you. I know you never believed me, but I did have an abortion twenty years ago."

_I did the same thing. I woke up one morning and I realized I wanted to change._

"I thought you made that up to scare me."

She shook her head. "I wish I had. You'll never have to live with the weight of such a dark and sad decision. I know you're probably scared, but I think that you've really done the right thing for yourself. You're going to be a good mother, Lulu. I haven't given you enough credit."

"Thank you," I murmured, the tears still coming down my cheek. Tracey reached over and wrapped me in a maternal embrace.

"I know your mother can't be here, Lulu, but I want you to know that I am here. I'm not the same thing, I know, but maybe I can be something else. And I'm not the only one who cares about you, you know?"

"I know Dillon cares."

"He doesn't just care, Lulu, he loves you. I see it so clearly."

I shook my head fiercely. "No, I don't deserve his love. After everything, he can't love me."

_Take a step back, Lulu. The only one who's judging you is you._

"That's the thing about love. You don't get to decide who falls in love with you, just like you can't choose who you fall in love with. You fell in love with my son. And whether you think so or not, my son has fallen in love with you."

"I messed up."

"That, Miss Spencer, is a family trait," she smiled. "The thing is, when you Spencers mess up, you mess up big time. But you also make big come backs."

"I have to go talk to Dillon," I explained to Tracey before leaping from the bed. She simply nodded as I started for Dillon's room. Stopping outside his door, I could hear his voice. It was low and soft, as if he was having a private conversation. I waited to hear a second voice, but it never came. Then, I realized he must be on the phone."

"Look, Georgie, we probably need to meet to talk about this," he said. "No, you can't come over here, it probably wouldn't be the best idea. Look, can you meet me at Kelly's in an hour?" I waited a beat as she must have been replying. "Sounds good, bye."

I listened as he hung up the phone and sighed deeply. "Great, how do I go break up with my wife?" he said to himself. "How do I tell her that I have fallen in love with my stepsister, of all people, and now we're going to have a child? She is going to hate me. Lulu already hates me."

"I don't hate you."

Dillon looked up at me, leaning against the doorjamb. "You don't?"

"Not even a little bit."

"I'm glad you came back."

"I heard everything you just said. Did you mean it?"

He nodded solemnly. "Maybe more than anything I've ever said before."

"I love you, too, Dillon."

He grinned widely and covered his mouth in disbelief. He crossed the room in exactly two steps before sweeping me into his arms, pulling my body firmly to him. "I love you," he whispered, leaning down to capture my mouth with his. Deepening the kiss, I allowed myself to get lost in him. Pulling back, he looked down at me and repeatedly whispered, "I love you, I love you, I love you."

_No, but I used it as an escape. That's what children do -- they run and they hide -- and I'm not doing that anymore._


	9. Chapter 9

Telling Lulu that I loved her, and really meaning it, changed everything. It seemed life had been doing that a lot lately, changing on me. At first, I wasn't sure that it was what I wanted, and now, I can't imagine having it any other way. Looking down into her soft blue eyes in that moment, I knew that I had found everything I had ever wanted in her. The family I never had, the ability to believe that someone would always be there for me, the sense of home.

And in the next moment, I realized that I had to go take that away from someone else. I had spent the majority of the last four years in love with Georgie Jones, and as easily as it had come to me, our relationship had come to pass. I never imagined a time when I wouldn't be in love with the gentle, intelligent brunette, but it was here. I cared about her; I knew that I always would because she was my first love. However, as most first loves do, our love had faded.

"I have to go tell her," I said simply, twisting a long tendril of Lulu's hair between my fingers as she leaned against me. She smiled and nodded silently, understanding the weight of the impending moment without me having to voice it. Standing on her tip toes, she brushed a gentle kiss over my lips and wrapped her arms around my neck tightly. Inhaling deeply, I took the intoxicating scent of honey and vanilla infiltrate my senses.

"Be careful," she whispered as she stepped away. "Come home to us soon."

_I'm a Spencer, we learn from our mistakes._

As I headed toward the garage to get my car, I let the image of Lulu fill my mind. It was that image that would have to get me through the next hour, to remind me that although this was hard, this was the right thing.

"Get it together, Quartermaine," I chided myself as I slid behind the steering wheel of my black convertible. A Mercedes, it was a gift from Grandfather for graduating from high school. Georgie had never liked the car, calling it ostentatious. Lulu had always loved it, appreciating the speed and power of such a vehicle. They were so different in nearly every way. In fact, the only thing that connected them was the fact that I had fallen in love with both of them. And they had fallen in love with me.

_I know that I made the right choice. It's just that something inside of me changed._

The drive across town to Kelly's was the shortest of my life. What usually took at least ten minutes passed in a matter of seconds. The lights were all green as I passed through them, fate seemed to be on my side. As I pulled my car into the back parking lot, I could see Georgie through the window in the kitchen. Her hair pulled back in a high ponytail, she was pouring over a book while sitting at the counter. Every once in awhile, she would take a long sip of coffee and lick her upper lip. It was classic Georgie behavior when she was deep in study mode. Mike said something, breaking her concentration but eliciting a laugh.

"HehE

Hey, Dillon. What can I get you?" Mike asked as I slipped in the back door.

"Just a glass of water. I have a feeling that I won't be here very long," I told him as I walked by.

Georgie looked up and smiled when I came in the diner. "Hey. Where have you been?"

"I got here as soon as I could," I replied, feeling guilty for my half lie. "Can we get a private table?"

"Sure, let's take that one in the corner. I'll be right over."

I sat down with my back facing the window, well aware that if I had anything to distract me, I would avoid her gaze when I broke the bad news. She deserved to have me look her in the eyes and tell her the truth. When she finally sat down across from me, I fingered the red and white checkered tablecloth, took a deep breath and started to tear her world apart one word at a time.

"We have to talk."

"Uh oh."

My first impulse was to reassure her, but I knew that wouldn't help anything in the end. "Georgie, Lulu kept the baby. She didn't go through with the abortion. We're going to have a child together."

"Oh, wow." Her jaw dropped, her eyes were wide. She looked at me, stunned, struggling to find the right words. "Well, congratulations? I mean, I know that this is what you wanted."

"It is," I emphasized. "This baby is a part of me. I wouldn't have wanted to live my life without it, to be honest. I had made peace with the choice, but it was never what I wanted."

_I'm so confused. I don't even know where to begin. I want to make my life count for something. I mean, I have to after the choices that I've made._

"It's also a part of Lulu," she realized aloud.

I nodded. "She's a big part of why I am here. Georgie, I have to try this with her."

"Dillon, she doesn't want you to be with her out of obligation."

"It wouldn't be."

"What does that mean?"

"It would be because I want to be with her."

"Do you love her, Dillon?" I was silent, we both knew that I did. "How could you do this to me? How could you fall in love with her?"

"I'm sorry."

"So am I," she whispered, pushing back her chair and running out the door behind me. I turned around just in time to see her pass by the window in a lavender blur. Her book was still open on the table in front of me. I picked it up and carried it over to Mike. Handing it to him along with a ten dollar bill, I asked him to return it to her next time she came in. He nodded, and I disappeared back in the kitchen to get to my car.

When I got back outside, everything bad that had just happened left me. Leaning against the hood of my car, her face turned toward the sun, was the woman I loved. Her back arched seductively, her long legs stretched out, she looked like a pinup girl from the 50s in her short sundress. "Wow."

"Exactly the reaction I was looking to get," she murmured as she slid easily off the hood. "Even pregnant, I still look good."

"That you do," I told her as our lips met. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought you could use the support. I know this wasn't easy."

I shook my head. "It wasn't, but it's over. Now what?"

"Well, I know we have a lot to work out, but first, I think I have an idea you'll like very much."

"Oh, yeah?" I asked with an arched eyebrow. "What's that?"

"Take me home," she purred.

_You know, a child -- even the thought of one -- makes a connection between two people even when there's nothing else there._


	10. Chapter 10

By the time Dillon and I finally got back to the mansion, my body was aching with anticipation. It had been weeks since we were last together, leaving me feeling hungry for his touch. Slowly, we made our way toward the mansion, pausing periodically to enjoy a sensual, lingering kiss. Somewhere near the gatehouse, Dillon stopped and turned around. Grabbing me by the hand, he pulled me behind the small structure and pressed me against the wooden wall.

"I've thought about doing this for so long," he whispered as he buried his face in my hair. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer to me. Heat radiated between us as my fingers snaked to run though his dark blonde tresses.

"Why haven't you?" I teased breathily as he laid a trail of kisses along my collarbone and up my throat. His eyelashes tickled my soft skin.

Dillon smiled up at me. "Come on," he implored, grabbing my hand again and pulling me toward the mansion.

Inside the foyer, we managed to slip by a pair of quarreling Quartermaines unnoticed. In the hallway, Dillon kissed me again until I was breathless, his hand fumbling for the doorknob behind my back as we bumped into the heavy door.

_Stuff happens. You adapt and you move on… I made my own choices. _

Finally, his fingers managed to maneuver the door open and we stumbled into the room without breaking the kiss. Dillon effortlessly lifted me off the ground, shutting the door behind us with his ankle. I wrapped my legs around his waist, my lips devouring his mouth hungrily. He moaned against my teeth as he walked us backwards. Turning slightly so that his back was to the bed, he dropped lightly until he was flat on his back, me straddling him.

I smiled down at him devilishly and licked my upper lip. Winking cheekily, I leaned down at kissed his eyelids shut. Moving further down his body, I placed kisses down his nose before pausing briefly on his lips. As I worked my way south, I nimbly undid his buttons and left kisses behind in my wake. Working back up, our lips met again, eliciting a throaty groan from Dillon.

Dillon's hands rested on my hips as I sat back up, staring down at him. Staring into his eyes, I slowly lifted my shirt over my head and threw it on the ground beside us. Dillon looked up at me in amazement, his eyes reassuring me that he still sees me as beautiful and sexy. He pulled me down to him, kissing me over and over again until I had lost all sense of time.

_I feel like I'm the same person. There just needed to be a change._

A half-hour later, Dillon collapsed next to me. His head resting on my stomach, I reveled in the warmth of his body against mine. My hand traveled down to grasp his. A silly grin was plastered on his face as his eyes met mine. "I love you," he said simply, bringing my hand to his lips to brush an easy kiss on my knuckles.

"I love you, too," I replied, wrapping my leg around his.

"And I love you," he whispered to my stomach, dropping a gentle caress on my abdomen.

I try to come up with something to say, but the words fail to come. Dillon and I are usually so full of words, having these important conversations like the adults we have long pretended to be. No thoughts consume my mind, only a comfortable fuzzy feeling. The feelings are only of warmth, of pure and undulated love. The feeling is something I've never quite felt before; I'm happy.

"I'm happy," I realize out loud.

Dillon's smile grows even wider. "How did we get here?"

"Your family made a faulty condom. Is it wrong that I am glad they did?"

"Probably, but I don't care," he laughed, moving up to lie next to me. Wrapping his arm around my back, my face finds its way to the familiar nook that made me fall in love with Dillon in the first place. The warmth of that fold of skin gave me the first sense of comfort I've had in quite some time.

Across the room, my cell phone blared from my handbag. Dillon tried to pull me back into the bed as I struggled to escape from the warm haven of our sheets. An unfamiliar number flashed on my sheets. "Hello?"

"Hey, Gumdrop," my father said on the other end of the line. Static crackled, breaking up our connection for a moment.

Dillon looked at me expectantly as I turned my back to him to give myself some privacy. "Hey, Dad. Where are you?"

"I'm in Paris," he called over the weak line. "Look, I don't have long. I just wanted to tell you that I am working on finding a new treatment for your mother. I need you to go by and check on her, see how she is doing."

"I was there a few days ago, but I will go by again tomorrow."

"Thanks, sweetheart, I really appreciate it," my father told me. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," I chirped happily. "Dad?"

"What is it, Lu?"

"I didn't do it, Daddy." I hadn't called Luke Spencer by that name since I was two-years-old.

"Oh, Lulu, I am so glad to hear that," he said, sounding relieved. "I'm going to be a good grandfather, or at least I am going to try. I promise you that. And I am going to do all that I can to bring your mother out of this so that she can be there, too."

"Thanks, Daddy."

"I have to go, Gumdrop. I'll call again when I can. I love you."

"Love you, too," I said as the other end of the line went dead. Flipping the phone shut, I held the tiny electronic device in my clenched fist, relieved to know that my father is okay and knows what lies ahead for our family. Smiling at Dillon, I turned around and leapt on the bed. "I have this feeling, Dillon. Everything is going to be okay."

_Anyone is better than who I was before. I need my life to matter. I need for the choice that I made to count for something._


	11. Chapter 11

I wanted to believe Lulu when she told me that everything was going to be okay, but I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was about to take away our happiness any minute. The next few days were uneventful, but I remained uneasy. In fact, I was dwelling on that very sentiment when Lulu came bounding into the study one afternoon later that week. Together, we were blissfully happy about our relationship and the future that lay with our child.

"Hey, babe," I greeted her as she leaned down to kiss me.

"I just wanted to come down and tell you that I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow," she reminded me. She had done this twice in the last 24 hours already.

"I didn't forget, Lu," I told her as I folded the business section of the newspaper in half and dropped it on grandfather's desk. "I have a meeting with Grandfather to talk about my future at ELQ in the morning, and then I will meet you here to take you over to the hospital."

"I just don't want you to forget. This is really important. It's our first appointment together."

"I know how important it is, and I just want you to know that it matters to me too. And I'm happy that you want me to be there with you because I don't think I could stand it if you were trying to push me away."

_Well, change happens, Lulu. You know that._

"I couldn't go through this without you," she whispered adoringly as I pulled her into my lap. She rested her chin on my shoulder as I took in the sweet scent of her skin. "So, what are you doing down here?"

"Just looking over the business section, trying to get up on current events."

"Are you sure you want to do this whole ELQ thing? I mean, you don't have to let go of who you were to become who you will be. The baby and the film thing can coexist in your life."

"They could, but I don't want them too. I want to have a good life for our child and for us. I need to embrace my fate and learn how to do this the right way," I explained. "No matter how hard I try to deny it, I'm still a Quartermaine. ELQ is my future, and I want to make it a bright one for my family."

"As long as you are sure that that is what you _want_, and not what you feel like you should do. I just want you to be happy, Dillon. I don't want you to look back and hold this against me."

"I could never do that," I promised her. "I will always love movies, but I love what I am going to have more. This isn't just the right thing for our family, Lu, it's also the right thing for me."

She nodded understandingly and kissed me on the cheek. "I'm going to go over to PCU to turn in my paper. Do you want me to bring home dinner from Kelly's?"

I glanced down at my watch. "I'll tell you what. I'll go over with you to turn in your paper and then we can go to Kelly's together. I haven't spent any time with you all day."

Within the hour, we were on our way to Port Charles' favorite café for a late lunch or early dinner, depending on how you wanted to look at it. Lulu was hungry every few hours these days, often resulting in me persuading Cook to make a meal in between times or running out to pick up something myself. Alice, my domestic savior, had started stocking up on some of Lu's favorites in case I wasn't home or Cook was being impossible. Between the three of us, we made sure that she never went hungry.

As we headed up the sidewalk, I spotted Georgie waiting on a man at one of the outside tables. Lulu's grip tightened in mine, our fingers woven together into an intricate knot. "It's okay," I whispered, squeezing her hand with reassurance. Georgie just shot us a dirty look as we headed inside.

"Hey, Mike," Lulu bubbled as we came inside.

The older man's face lit up at the sight of us. "I hear congratulations are in order!"

"Thank you," I said with a smile. "Can we get two bowls of chili and some crackers?"

"What do you want to drink?"

"Black coffee for me," I replied.

"Chamomile tea, please," Lulu answered.

"You kids have a seat at the corner table over there, and I'll take care of you," he said with a wink. I thanked him again before leading Lulu to her seat.

"You did well," I told her as soon as we were alone again.

"I have you, and that's what matters. I don't need to play into the drama."

"Remember that," I implored. "Stress isn't good for the baby or you."

_We're just dealing with consequences now, that's all._

"I'm scared about tomorrow," she revealed suddenly. "What if something is wrong?"

"Nothing will be wrong," I reassured her. "I'm sure that you would have a gut feeling if something was wrong, Lu."

"What if I am missing that maternal instinct? I might be a bad mother, Dillon."

"You are going to be an amazing mother," I remarked as I moved my chair next to hers. "Lulu, you are one of the most caring and passionate people I have ever known. You fight for what matters to you, and you are fiercely loyal to the people that you love. Our child is so incredibly blessed to have you as his or her mother."

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?" I asked innocently.

"Make me believe in myself." The vulnerability in her voice was palpable, and she seemed so innocent to me in that moment. Taking her face into my hands, I kissed her so deeply that I lost all sense of time and space. A loud thud brought us both crashing back to reality.

"Here is your coffee," Georgie spat as she slammed the mug down, causing some of the steaming brew to splash on the table. "And your wife's tea."

"I'm not his wife," Lulu replied before she could catch herself.

"Oh, that's right," Georgie said, tapping her head absently. "I'm his wife."

_Have we completely lost who we are?_

"Enough, Georgie," I said softly. "Not here, not now."

"You," she pointed at me, "do not get to tell me what to do."

"I'm not going to let you talk to her this way," I shot back. "You can stand there and yell at me all you want to, but I won't subject Lulu to this. Whether you like it or not, she and I are together and she is carrying my child. I won't let you do this to her."

"Let me?" she laughed humorlessly.

"Come on, we're leaving," I told Lulu, grabbing her hand. I put my arm around her protectively, as if to shield her from Georgie's harsh words.

As we headed for the door, Lulu stopped and turned to Georgie. Just as I was about to prod her along, Lulu stopped me. "I know you won't believe this, Georgie, but I didn't mean for this to happen. I'm sorry that you are in pain, but that's all that I am sorry for here. I'm not sorry for fighting for the man that I love, I'm not sorry for wanting to have a future with him, and I'm not sorry for having our child. We're a family now, and I hope that you will be able to accept that one day."

I was amazed by Lulu's maturity and clarity, and apparently, so was Georgie. She gaped back at Lulu, who simply turned around and walked out with me at her side. Neither of us said anything else until we were in the backseat of the town car Grandfather had assigned to take Lulu around town.

"Thanks for sticking up for me back there," Lulu said quietly.

"I will always stick up for you, Lulu," I murmured. "I love you."

"And I love you."

_Well, then who are we changing into?_

"Let's go home, Mommy."


	12. Chapter 12

The next morning, I left Dillon asleep in the bed that we now shared in his bedroom. I needed to talk to his mother, and it was hard to find a minute alone with her. When she was awake, Dillon wanted to spend all his time with me. We would sit on the veranda and look out over Lila's rose garden. Other times, he would convince me to go with him to the park for a run, or we would just hang out on campus at PCU. Either way, whenever he wasn't at work, we were together. Dillon and the baby had quickly become my life, and even though I knew had once loved Georgie, I believed him when he said he had never felt this way before.

Just as I went to shut the door, Dillon rolled over and mumbled something incoherent in his sleep. I smiled as he snuggled beneath the covers, his dark blonde hair barely visible beneath the thick duvet. Crossing the room soundlessly, I kissed the top of his head tenderly, rubbed my stomach and whispered, "I love you both." When he didn't respond, I was sure that I hadn't woken him so I padded down the stairs.

As I passed the window, I could see that the sun wasn't even up yet. Tracey was usually the first to rise in the house, spending time alone to read the newspaper and enjoy a cup of coffee before the madness that is the family set in. Dillon told me that in the summer she likes to walk through the garden and talk to her mother in her head. Though she would never admit it, I think it is during that time that she is most human. The vulnerability of such a ritual shows the part of Tracey Quartermaine that keeps me hanging on, even when she is driving me crazy.

"Good morning" I greeted her as I settled in at the dining room table across from her.

She smiled at me over the edge of her favorite mug. Folding the local section of the newspaper in half, she leaned over the surface intently. "Hello, Lulu. Why are you up so early?"

"I wanted to ask you something," I replied.

_Lulu agonized on the decision._

"Yes, Lulu, you have my blessing," she said simply.

"You don't even know what I was going to ask."

"You want to marry my son."

"How did you know that?"

"The look in your eyes said everything. He looks at you the same way, you know," she explained. "He wants to be with you, too, Lulu. If you want to marry Dillon, I want you to know that you have my blessing."

"Dillon always says that you and I are a lot alike. That used to make me so angry. I didn't think that I'd ever want to be like you. And then you told me about your abortion, and I realized that I was wrong. You've been so great to me through all this. I know that it's because Dillon is your son and you love him, but I just want you to know that I appreciate it."

"I'm not just doing this for Dillon, Lulu," she told me. "Like I've told you before, I know that I'm not your mother, and I wouldn't even try to take her place. But I hope that I do have a place in your life and that you will let me help. This is my grandchild, Dillon is my son and you are my stepdaughter."

"This child is going to be so confused," I giggled, realizing for the first time how insane our family tree will be.

_That was my idea…Lulu had nothing to do with it._

"Don't let what others think affect you. The only ones that matter here are you and Dillon."

I shook my head firmly. "No, we're not. Our families matter, too. My dad, you, my brothers, all the Quartermaines…you are this baby's family. You are Dillon's family. You are my family."

"I'm very glad to hear that. I truly hope that you and Dillon will be happy together. I want you to have the love that I never did, the fairytale romance that was your father's marriage to your mother. If you have half of that, I think you two will be the luckiest people in the world."

"I'm going to ask him to marry me," I announced with a note of finality. Tracey smiled at me widely and came around the table to hug me.

"Wait, what's going on here?" Dillon asked skeptically as he came into the dining room.

As we pulled apart, Tracey and I exchanged secretive smiles. "Nothing, Son, just a little pregnancy talk."

"We were just talking about my mom," I explained, glad that it wasn't a total lie.

"I missed you when I woke up," he told me, dropping a kiss on my forehead.

_She can't possibly understand what you've been through._

"Mmm, good morning," I said, leaning over to pull him into a kiss.

"You need to go get ready for our appointment," he reminded me. I nodded and stood up. "Tracey, thanks again."

She smiled. "You're welcome."

"Okay, stop, you're freaking me out," Dillon murmured, looking between us.

I kissed him on the cheek and started for the stairs. Suddenly, an idea popped into my head. "Tracey, do you have a really busy day?"

She was quiet for a moment as she flipped through her PDA. "No, just a meeting late this afternoon. My morning is actually pretty clear. Why?"

"Would you like to go with Dillon and me? I'd like it if one of our mother's could be there for the first ultrasound."

"I'd be honored," she retorted proudly, a small tear gleaming in her eye.

Dillon grinned at me. "You're amazing," he whispered as he kissed me intensely.

"Want me to show you just how amazing I am?" I teased softly, biting his lower lip.

He raised his eyebrow. "My mom is right there, and you have to be at the hospital in a half-hour. We don't have enough time."

I grabbed his wrist and glanced down at his watch. "If I remember right, we have plenty of time."

"Ouch," he winced in mock pain.

"I'm kidding, you're amazing. And I love you."

"I love you, too. Now, let's get ready to go. I can't wait to see our baby."

_But some of us do._


	13. Chapter 13

I watched Lulu skip up the stairs, leaving me alone with my mother. I turned and looked at her, my eyes searching hers for the truth. "Are you really happy for us?"

She thought for a moment, wringing her hands nervously as she paced the entry hall quietly. "Yes, I am," she said finally. "I know that you will find that hart to believe. I haven't exactly been welcoming of girls in your past, especially Georgie. And I have been hard on Lulu, but I see how good she is for you. I know how much you both want this baby. I think this is your chance for the family you have always wanted and I could never give you. As your mother, I couldn't forsake you that now."

"I'm going to need your support, Mom," I replied quietly. She was the only place I could look to for strength right now. Lulu needed me to reassure her, to be there to take care of her. I needed my mother to do that for me.

"Oh, Dillon, you have it," she murmured as she took me in her arms. It had been a long time since I had collapsed into tears in front of my mother. Other than when I was in the hospital and nearly died during the epidemic, I hadn't cried in front of her since I was a young child. "You will always have me. I know you didn't growing up, but I think I've done better in recent years. And your child will always have me."

I could hear the vulnerability in my mother's tone as she said those words to me. Though my family was insane and we fought, we always pulled through for each other in the end. There were probably a million times in the past when I cursed my Quartermaine name, but with her by my side, I thanked God that I wasn't anything else.

_I would've never been able to give it away._

"Excuse me," Lulu announced softly from behind us. "I'm ready to go."

My mother let go of me and turned to face the blonde waiting patiently in the doorway. "Just let me go fix my face," she joked lightly, patting Lulu on the shoulder warmly on her way by. "I'll be down in a few minutes."

I nodded and watched her disappear upstairs. Lulu tilted her head and looked at me. "I'm sorry if I interrupted a moment."

"You didn't. I just realized that how lucky I am to be a Quartermaine."

"Our families aren't easy, but they are all we have. I've always known that. Even when I was angriest at my father, I understood that I had it better than a lot of people," she retorted. "My father always loved my mother, and even when he was gone, I knew that he loved Lucky and me. And not to mention, Nikolas, who truly is a prince among men. I have Bobbie, Lucas and Grandma Lesley. Just think of people who have nothing."

I laughed. "I have this bunch of loud, noisy, boisterous individuals that somehow fit together to make a family. This baby is going to be loved."

"It already is," she reassured me, leaning up to kiss me on the tip of my nose.

My mom came back down stairs, holding a ring of keys in her hand. "I'll drive if that's okay. I'd like to take Daddy's Bentley. Today is much too beautiful of a day to be stuck in a dark town car."

"That'd be nice," Lulu mused as she looped her arm through mine. "Today is to be celebrated."

_Does it ever go away?_

By the time we reached the hospital, my stomach was a jumble of nerves. Lulu sat quietly beside me, looking out the window. "Is it okay that I'm nervous?" she asked.

I turned to her and nodded. "It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one."

"I'm glad that I'm not going through this alone," she confessed. "When I first decided to keep the baby, I promised myself that I would be okay if I had to go through this alone. I'm glad that I won't have to try to keep that promise to myself."

"You could have done it, but I'm glad you won't have to," I reassured her.

"No, you don't," my mother said pointedly as she swung her legs out of the car. Dressed in a turquoise tunic and black pants, she was the epitome of business and style as always. She had always prided herself on putting the best foot forward, and it made me smile to know that she did so even in times like these.

"Let's do this," Lulu declared, walking confidently into the hospital with my mother and me at her heels. Her blonde hair glowed beneath the fluorescent light as she walked past the front desk where Elizabeth was working.

"Lulu, hey!" Elizabeth called, rushing around the desk to greet her sister-in-law. Pregnant herself, Liz had been a lot in recent months with Lucky's addiction. Forever strong, Lulu had confided in me that she hoped they would be able to patch everything up.

"Hey, Liz," Lulu said, pausing to hug her warmly.

"Why are you here?"

"We're on our way to her first ultrasound," I explained.

"Congratulations. I won't keep you, but stop by to let me know how it goes, okay? I'm going to see Lucky later, and I'm sure he'd love to hear some good news."

Lulu nodded. "I'm glad you're going to see him. I will stop by on our way out," she promised before leading us down the hallway.

As we rounded the corner, I grimaced. Maxie was leaning against a wall, looking over a clipboard when she spotted us. "Well, if it isn't my brother-in-law and the mother of his illegitimate child."

"And you're one to talk how?" Lulu asked sarcastically.

"Maxie, there you are!" I heard a voice call from the other end. Wincing, I shifted my eyes down to where she stood. "Oh, you have to be kidding me."

"Great," Lulu muttered under her breath.

"We don't have time for this," my mother announced loudly, putting her arm around Lulu, shielding her from the wrath of the Jones girls. "Come on, Dillon."

Further down the hall, Lulu peered up at my mother. "Thanks."

"It's quite alright. We're here now," she murmured as I held the door open for them.

"I'll go sign myself in," Lulu told us both before retrieving a clipboard from the nurse. She filled out a form in record time before pacing in front of the row of empty chairs. "You're going to wear a hole in the carpet," I joked.

"Sorry."

"I was kidding."

"Sorry, I didn't get that," she smiled. I reached up and wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her into my lap. She nuzzled close to me, my hands resting comfortably on her womb. We stayed like that, waiting silently, until Dr. Kelly came out. Usually a nurse handled the patients, but because this was a Quartermaine heir, Grandfather had made sure that we were given the best service our name could buy.

"Lulu, I will see you now," she greeted us warmly, ushering the three of us down the hall to a spacious private room. "You can change in there," she explained, pointing to the bathroom in the corner.

Lulu disappeared for a few moments to change into the lavender paper gown. "Okay, I'm ready."

Dr. Kelly shook her head and started up the machine. My mother said quietly on one side of the table, talking to Lulu about painting a nursery to keep her distracted. I watched as the doctor prepared a sticky gel and then moved the ball across Lulu's still-flat abdomen. The two women still didn't pay attention to what was going on until I gasped. The first image of my child, barely a blip on the screen really, danced before my eyes.

"What is that sound?" Lulu asked excitedly, leaning forward slightly to see the screen.

_It sounds like a baby._

"That is your baby's heartbeat," Dr. Kelly replied.

"It's strong," Mom said proudly. "Just like a Quartermaine."

"Strong like a Spencer," Lulu argued.

"Strong like a Spencer-Quartermaine," I remarked, pacifying them both.

My mother got up and moved to the corner, indicating that I should take Lulu's hand. I leaned over her and kissed her forehead tenderly. "This is…"

"I know."


	14. Chapter 14

"Young Spielberg, Luke Spencer here," a familiar voice told me over the phone the next day. "Look, I'm back in town, and I need to talk to you. Can you meet me down at the piers in 15 minutes?"

I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand and looked down at Lulu. It was early the next morning, and we had been up late looking through a book of baby names. Excitement from the appointment had left her unable to sleep, which means I was unable to sleep as well. She had decided that I would go through whatever she went through, and since I was still wrapped up in the magic of seeing our child for the first time, I agreed.

_How much will she remember?_

"I'll be there," I said before hanging up the phone. The last time Luke and I spoke had not been pretty. I was still reeling from everything surrounding the pregnancy, and at that point, she was still planning on aborting the baby. Lulu spoke to him every so often, usually leaving the room to get her privacy. I was sure that he knew everything and my curiosity was piqued as usual by Luke's mysterious call.

Lulu stirred next to me. Yawning, she sat up and raked her fingers through her hair. "Who was that? You'll be where?"

"Oh, it was just a friend from economics class," I lied. I felt bad for not telling her the truth, but something told me that I needed to wait to tell her Luke was back in town. She obviously didn't know or she would have told me by now. "He needs to borrow my notes from class last week. I'm going to meet him down at the docks."

"Okay," she replied sleepily. I reached over and kissed her forehead absently before crawling out of bed. She leaned against the headboard and watched me dress quickly, smiling as I struggled to force my foot into one of her socks. "Doesn't fit," she giggled as I looked at the pink argyle in confusion.

"I'll be back as soon as I can," I promised. I leaned down to kiss her head again but she pulled me close to her body and into a deep kiss. I moaned with appreciation against her lips, her fingers playing with the baby hairs at the nape of my neck.

"Hurry home," she implored. "Oh, and can you bring me back some breakfast from Kelly's? I am craving Mike's pancakes. And sausage."

"Pancakes and sausage, got it," I told her with one last kiss.

_I really wanted you back. But I was scared, too…And if you came out of it, I'm so afraid that you wouldn't want me as a daughter anymore. I just -- I wish -- I miss you._

Exactly fifteen minutes after hanging up with Luke, I arrived at the docks. Luke was leaning casually against the fence, tapping his foot in an erratic rhythm. "Hello, Dillon," he greeted me.

"What brings you back to town, Luke?" I asked cautiously.

He smiled at me with the mischievous glint he was so famous for. "My daughter. She told me everything. I suppose congratulations are in order."

"We're happy, Luke. She made the right decision for everyone, including herself. I hope you can see that."

"What I can see is that she is happy. That is all that matters to me."

"Then why did you call me down here?"

"I need your help with my daughter," he explained.

"I would do anything for Lulu."

"I know you would," he stated. "Anyhow, Robin Scorpio and Patrick Drake talked to me a few weeks ago about this experimental drug treatment for Laura. I've been in Paris talking to a doctor for the last few weeks about the medication. That's why I was gone."

"That sounds hopeful."

"Maybe, I mean it's pretty much her only chance. The side effects are unknown, and it is possible that it could kill her," he continued. "I know it sounds risky, but I think that Laura would want to take the chance if she could speak for herself. We need her here, and I'd like to think that she needs us."

_He also thought we would get our hopes up, and I did. I kept picturing her the way that she used to be._

"What do you want me to do?" I ask timidly.

"I don't want to tell the children. They're already going through so much," he answered. "Lulu needs to be focused on this baby, to keep the stress as far away from her as she can. Lucky is working on his recovery, and Nikolas has his child and Alexis to worry about."

"Okay…"

"I need you to take care of her, Dillon," he pleaded. "If something happens with this and it goes the wrong way, she is going to need you more than ever. She's going to be angry at me, and you are going to have to be there for her to help her get through it."

_I was already imagining being with her again._

"I will be there as long as Lulu will have me, Luke."

He nodded. "You're going to ask her to marry you."

"What?"

"You want to propose."

I looked at him. "How did you know?"

"The way you look when you speak of her," he replied confidently. "It's the way I looked at Laura. It's the way I still look at Laura."

"I love her, Luke."

"And she loves you. Don't lose that."

"I'm going to fight like hell not to."

"Then you two will be just fine," he declared.

My phone rang from my pocket. I pulled it out to see Lulu's name flashing on the screen. "Speaking of which," I murmured as I flipped it open. "Hey, babe."

"I want some eggs, too," she said. "Oh, and maybe a cinnamon roll or two."

"Anything else?" I laughed.

"Just whatever you're going to eat."

"I'll be home within the hour."

"Okay, don't forget my food."

"I love you, too."

"Oh, I love you," she giggled before ending the call.

"Food demands," I explained to Luke.

He smiled knowingly. "I remember those. With Lucky, Laura couldn't get enough hardboiled eggs and peanut butter."

"What about Lulu?"

"Instant macaroni and cheese and strawberry frozen yogurt," he told me. I could tell that he was lost in the past. "She couldn't stand the smell of fish. It made her absolutely sick. I think the things that made her sick were more important to remember than the things she craved."

"I'll have to remember that."

"She is so much like her mother," he mused. "In all the best ways, she is Laura's daughter."

"There is some of you in there too," I replied.

"There's that too," he laughed. "She's a Spencer. My children, Laura, they all live up to the last name. Your baby will, too."

_What am I going to say?_

"Well, I better get going. You know how she gets when she is hungry."

"I'll be in touch."

"Later," I said as I started up the stairs.

"Hey, Dillon!" he called out.

"Yeah?"

"Take care of our babies, huh?"

"I will, Luke," I promise. "I will."


	15. Chapter 15

"Where have you been? You were supposed to be here an hour ago," Lulu demanded as I came into the dining room.

I threw her my best smile as I placed the greasy brown bag in front of her on the table. "I had to take care of something. I brought your food as promised," I replied.

"Where were you?"

"I can't tell you. Just trust me when I say that it was important."

Lulu grimaced. "It's Georgie, isn't it?"

"No, I promise that it's not," I said confidently. "Just eat your breakfast and then I will explain everything."

"Fine," she relented as she pulled the carton from the bag. Opening the lid, she grinned at the fluffy eggs.

_Maybe you should go away. I came here to celebrate._

"I'm going to go upstairs and change. I'll be down in a few minutes."

"You're not going to eat breakfast with me?" she whimpered.

I smiled. "Your attempt at guilt is pathetic, Spencer."

"Pathetic, but it worked."

I shook my head. "No, not this time. I'll be back before you finish," I retorted, kissing her on the top of the head in passing. "I love you."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she grumbled before turning back to her hot breakfast.

The house was unusually quiet as I jogged up the stairs and down the long hallway to my bedroom. Scouring my closet, I quickly changed into my favorite faded jeans and a distressed vintage tee. Pulling my hoodie back over my head, I reached my hand in the pocket to make sure that my reason for being so late was still there.

"See, I told you I would only be a few minutes."

"Now, tell me why you were late."

I started to wonder if I should tell her everything, but I knew that there was a reason that Luke wanted me to keep his secret. I hated lying to Lulu, but this was important. Everything needed to be handled with care, and he would tell her when the timing was right. The timing wasn't right for her to find out about her mother, but it was right for something else.

"Can you come with me?" I asked mystically.

"Where?"

"You'll find out," I promised as I took her hand in mine.

She looked at me skeptically. "Dillon, what are you up to?"

"Just come with me."

_For the first time in my life, everything is perfect._

Lacing our fingers together, Lulu smiled up at me. "This is nice," she murmured as we strolled nonchalantly along the pathway toward the lake on the Quartermaine estate. "Are we going to the lake house?"

I shook my head. "No, it's just a brief stop. There is something waiting for you inside."

Lulu let go of my hand and took off in a swift run. Throwing the door open, I watched as she went inside. A huge box wrapped in bright red paper stood in the middle of the floor. "Is this for me?"

"Open it," I urged.

Layer after layer, box after box, she tore away at the package until she was left with a single envelope. "What is this?" she whispered before ripping open the flap. "It just says 'will.' What does that mean?"

"Just hold on to it. We have somewhere else to go," I explained as a town car pulled around the bend. It had been waiting out of sight by the gatehouse. "Our car, my lady," I announced chivalrously as I ushered her into the back seat.

Lulu sunk easily into the plush leather, leaning on me heavily. "I still have no idea what you are up to," she whispered while looking up into my eyes. Leaning in, she kissed me lightly. "I do know that I like it, though."

A few minutes later, the car pulled into the Kelly's parking lot. I had convinced Mike to close it down, using a little Quartermaine money to rent it for a private party for the next hour. We'd only be here a few minutes, but I had wanted to make sure that we had plenty of time. The lights were dark, only a single flame flickering from a candle on the table where we had sat millions of times.

"Go ahead," I told her, opening the door as she crawled over me. She skipped quickly into the café, finding a single red rose sitting on the table. Lifting it up, she tore the tag away.

"This one says 'you.' So, I have two cards that say will and you."

_But nobody's supposed to know. You're not supposed to know._

I nodded. "On to the next place."

"Where else could we be going next?" she wondered aloud as I helped her back into the seat. The car was quick in reaching our next destination, which was only a few blocks away. "Man, I never thought I would come back here," she mused as she stepped out onto the grassy knoll in front of Port Charles High School. Hand in hand, we walked down the empty corridors of our old stomping grounds.

"The last time I was here was…during prom last year," she realized.

"Same here," I laughed. "Do you remember dancing with me?"

"I remember wishing that you would look at me."

I stopped and turned. "Well, I'm looking now. In fact, you're all I see."

"Oh, Dillon," she whispered, her voice reflecting everything I was feeling. I pulled her close to me and swayed us to an imaginary beat. "We're dancing in the halls."

"I should have done this then."

"It wouldn't have meant as much as this. This means everything."

"That earns you your third clue," I declare, opening the swinging door to the gym where the prom was held. Taped to the floor at center court, Lulu saw her third clue written on bright red poster board. She laid the card next to the white slip. "Me?"

_Maybe I want to forget everything for a little while._

"Just grab it," I ordered as we slipped back into the car. "One last stop."

"Where are we going now?"

"Somewhere we have never been," I answered.

"I have no clue what is going on."

"Good, that was my intention," I said.

"This whole day, this surprise, I just want you to know how amazing this is. I've never had anyone do something like this for me. No one has ever cared enough to make this big of an effort."

"You're worth all this and so much more," I reassured her with a kiss.

"I love you."

I just smile without saying another word as we pull off onto a shaded road. The car makes a few more turns before we pull into a driveway. Lulu looks at me with tears in her eyes. "Dillon! What did you do?"

"Just go in side."

She covered her mouth, her body wracked with tears. She doesn't say anything to me again as she slowly makes her way toward the door. Stepping inside, she looks around, running her fingers across everything. "How did you get this?"

"Your father and my mother," I replied. "I told your dad that I wanted to find us a home, something we could call our own. I knew that you wouldn't want to raise the baby in the mansion, and I think we could really use the space. When I told him what I had in mind, he recommended this place. Apparently, your family still owned it. I talked to my mother, and she helped get it transferred into my name with a portion of my trust fund. This is our home."

"I grew up in this house," she told me. "After we quit running, Mom convinced Dad to buy this house. When I think about my childhood, this is the house I remember. Lucky's bedroom was at the top of the stairs, and mine was just between his and my parents. We had Christmas morning right here by the fireplace, and Mom used to make these huge pancake breakfasts on Sunday mornings.'

"Do you like it?"

"Do I like it?" she cried. "I love it. This is my childhood home. You bought me my childhood home."

"I just thought it would be a nice place for us to raise our own child. And since your mom can't be with you, maybe this is the next best thing."

She didn't say anything as she crossed the floor, our mouths crashing together upon contact. My fingers tangled in her long hair as she took me to a place I never knew. Tears slipped down her cheek, spilling onto my face. "Thank you."

"There's more. Let's go upstairs." I took her hand and led her up the staircase. She passed Lucky's old room, pausing to take in all the sights. When we got to her room, the door was closed. "Open it."

The room was still empty, but there was a teddy bear sitting in the middle of the floor. "I thought this could be the baby's room," I explained. "Right next to our bedroom; it'd make a great nursery."

She fingered the soft terrycloth teddy bear. "And this will be in our baby's room," she said softly. "Wait, what is this?" she asked, pulling a sticker off the back. She peered up at me as the tears started again.

I slowly dropped to one knee and looked up at her. "It say's 'marry' on it," she whispered as I nodded. I pulled the box from my pocket, revealing a ring I had specially made. She kneeled in front of me, only slightly ruining my grand gesture.

"This puzzle was leading us here, to our future," I began. "This baby is a little bit of you and a little bit of me. This house will be a little bit of you and a little bit of me. Even this ring is a little bit of you and a little bit of me. The diamond comes from a ring that Grandfather gave to Grandmother on their final anniversary together. The setting came from a ring your father bought for your mother when they were on the run together in Canada. It was one of their many wedding rings."

Lulu laughed. "She had like fifteen."

"And we will have only one," I promised. "Lesley Lu Spencer, will you marry me?"

"Of course, yes," she managed through the tears. "Of course I will marry you."


	16. Chapter 16

Dillon asking me to marry him was everything I had ever dreamed of. I knew that we were young, but it felt so right. My mother was only 19 when she married my father, and I don't think she ever regretted her decision. Even when they were at their worst, my parents have always loved each other. I guess it's hard to be truly cynical about love when you have them as your role models.

By the time Dillon and I marry, I will be 19 as well. Dillon will be 20, and I am not naïve enough to believe that everything will be perfect. We are in for the fight of our lives, but we have each other. I am choosing to believe that our love will see us through. And we have not only our love to hold us together but that of our family. Who would have ever though that the Spencer and Quartermaines could find common ground on anything, let alone a child?

We are still kneeling in the middle of the nursery when Dillon stops kissing me and pulls back to look into my eyes. "Who do you want to tell first?"

I know the answer even before he finishes the question. If she were here, she is the first person I would want to tell. That shouldn't change just because she can't put her arms around me and congratulate me with tears in her eyes. "Let's go see my mom."

Brushing hair from my forehead, he nods silently before leaning in to capture my mouth again. There is urgency in his kiss, a sense of protectiveness as he puts his arms around my body. I know that something is off in his embrace, but I am choosing to ignore it for now. I have to trust that he will tell me when the time is right. Whatever he is holding back is important, and I know that Dillon wouldn't keep something from me unless he had to.

_Wait -- what are you doing? What are you doing? Lulu?_

"When can we move into the house?" I asked softly when we were in the car again. His arm is around my shoulder, his breath against my cheek. I can't seem to let go of his hand. It's as if his very touch is my lifeline, and I might fall apart without him.

"Alice is working on taking care of a few essentials. We should be able to stay there tonight," he answered.

I grinned. "I can't wait to go home with you tonight. To our very own house, I don't really see how life could get much better than this."

"It will soon," he replied mystically.

"What do you mean?"

"Just that our lives will be complete when our baby is born."

"I think it's going to be a little girl," I told him.

He cocked his head and looked at me. "What makes you think that?"

"Just call it a mother's instinct. I just know."

"A little girl that looks just like you? I don't know if the world could handle two such beautiful women."

"Flattery will get you everywhere," I murmured, kissing him deeply. "What do you think our child will be like?"

"I think _she_ will be amazing and beautiful like her mother."

"And intelligent and kind like her father."

"With her mother's independence and humor."

"And her father's patience and strength."

_Maybe you should slow down._

"Thank you."

"For?"

"For everything," he replied. "For agreeing to marry me, for having my baby, for living with me, for vowing to share our lives together."

"I should be the one thanking you," I said. "You forgave me. You told me that you loved me, and you made me realize how much I wanted this baby. You asked me to marry you, and you gave me the chance to have this family and this life. You even bought my childhood home so that we could raise our child there. I don't think I could ever repay you."

"You love me, and that is more than enough. In fact, that is everything."

I squeezed his hand as the car pulled up outside Shadybrook. My mother had lived here for the last four years with little change. She didn't acknowledge our presence, and she had no idea how much had changed since she had gone inside herself. I wished now, more than ever, that she would come back to us. Since there was little chance of that happening any time soon, I just had to thank God for what I did have and let go of what I didn't. Dwelling would get me nowhere.

"Lulu! I haven't seen you here all week," the nurse behind the desk greeted me. The staff of Shadybrook had become well acquainted with my family during my mother's tenure here. Between Dad, Grandma Lesley, Aunt Bobbie, my brothers and me, my mom had the most visitors out of anyone on her floor. Someone was with her every day, an amazing feat given the amount of time she had been comatose. Lucky had once told me that if this was all we would ever have, we had to make the best of it. And so, we each spent at least one day a week with her, filling her in on what she has missed and praying that she will show a sign of life.

"I know, but Lucky and Nikolas have both been by, and I'm here now," I told her as I signed Dillon and me in. With a quick wave, we were headed down the empty hallway toward my mother's room.

Dillon wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close to his body just as we came to her door. "Are you sure you are ready to do this?"

I nodded confidently. "Either way, she should be the first person to know."

_Lulu, you've had enough._

Dillon opened the door, and I led us inside. My mother was sitting facing the window, rocking silently in her wooden chair. Her eyes were vacant, her breath even and shallow. I kneeled in front of her, taking her frail hand in mine. "Hey, Mom. I have some really exciting news to tell you, but first, I want you to meet someone. Mom, this is Dillon. I know you've heard me talk about him before."

"Hello, Laura. I have heard a lot about you," Dillon spoke up quietly from beside me.

"We're getting married, Mom," I explained, tears just beneath the surface. "Dillon bought the house, you know the one where we used to live. And then he asked me to be his wife. I said yes."

"Everyone says that we are a lot like you and Dad,' I continued. "I don't know if that's true. I mean, how can anyone even begin to compare to the great Luke and Laura Spencer? But I think we are going to have a great love of our own. I know that you would like Dillon, Mom. He is gentle and kind, caring and sensitive. And he loves me. I know that is all you would need to know."

"I couldn't ask you this before, Laura, but I want you to know that I did ask for Luke's blessing. He gave it to me this morning. He told me that he thought you would approve. Wherever you are, I hope that you do. I want you to know that I love your daughter."

"That's not all that is going on," I told her. "I'm having a baby, Mom. I found out a few weeks ago. I think it's going to be a little girl, but I won't know for awhile. Anyhow, we're really excited. Dad is being really supportive, and the Quartermaines have offered to help. I'm even going to stay in college. I think I might actually get to have it all."

_What the hell is wrong with you? What are you talking about?_

"I'm going to do my best to give her everything," he said, looking at me with a warm smile. "Your daughter gave me the one thing I've never had – a family."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Spencer, but it is almost time for your mother's physical therapy session," a nurse said from behind us.

I nodded. "Okay, we'll just be another minute."

"I'll just wait outside," the nurse said.

"Well, Mom, I guess we have to go," I sighed. "I just wanted you to be the first person to know. I hope that you are happy for me, for us, wherever you are. I'm happy, if that makes any difference. I think it would. I love you, and I will see you in a few days."

I kissed my mother's cheek without any reaction from her. Smoothing her hair affectionately, I reached for Dillon's hand and allowed him to guide me out the door. The nurse passed by us and headed back in to take my mother to her session. I turned and buried my face in Dillon's chest so that I couldn't see her being wheeled away.

"Are you okay?"

I shook my head against his chest. "It never gets any easier. You'd think I'd get used to it eventually, but the pain never goes away. It doesn't even lessen. It still hurts as much today as it did the very first moment four years ago."

"I'm sorry."

"You're here," I shrugged. "That makes it a little bit easier. I'm not alone in this anymore."

He pressed a kiss to my forehead. "You'll never be alone again."

"You asked my father for his blessing. I think you proved that you are here to stay."

_I'm sure she'll understand._

"Is there anything I can do?"

"You can take me home. I'm ready to go home, home to our home."


	17. Chapter 17

Early the next morning, I found myself alone in bed. Lulu's side was empty, the sheets still rumpled from her sleepless slumber. Neither of us slept much; instead, we stayed up and talked about all the plans that we had for our future. Lulu wanted to guess what our baby would be like, whether she would like me or act like her. She'd also started talking about names, still certain that it was a girl. She wanted to name her after our mothers but hadn't yet decided on the right combination. I thought it was still too early to be picking out names, but she was the mother and I wasn't about to tell her that.

"Dillon, come down to breakfast!" she called up the stairs. Her warm voice filled the room, drawing me toward her. The aromatic scent in the air finally caught up with my nostrils. It smelled like bacon and blueberry pancakes.

I grabbed my hooded sweatshirt from the back of the only other piece of furniture in the bedroom, a leather chair. We didn't have anything in the house to cook with, so I'm not sure how she had managed to produce a full breakfast. "How did you cook anything?" I asked as I came bounding down the stairs.

_Wow. Married? Oh, this is -- this is -- this is so surreal._

"Alice," she explained simply, "sweet, wonderful Alice. She had Cook whip this up and then brought it over."

"Well, my sweet fiancée," I mused, "it smells amazing. You smell amazing." I kissed the top of her bare shoulder before pulling her robe up over her skin. She smiled and turned to kiss me over her shoulder, quickly losing herself in the moment. I turned her around in my arms and pulled her close to me until she stopped it.

"Breakfast, we need to eat," she declared. "We have plans for this afternoon."

"Oh., we do?"

"We're telling your family."

"Um, now, already?"

"Why not?"

"You're right. We can tell them. In fact, we can have a big dinner and tell everyone at once," I decided. "Not just my family but yours, too. We can invite Elizabeth, Nikolas, your grandmother, Bobbie and your dad. It will be one huge family affair."

She put up her hands defensively. "Are you crazy?"

_Oh, of course. I would love to, yes._

I nodded. "There is no time like the present. They're all going to have to be in one place at once eventually, so why not now? I'm sure Grandfather would love to host it at the estate."

Lulu shook her head defiantly. "We can have it at Wyndamere. I don't want to hear your grandfather bark on and on about how we are always taking advantage of Quartermaine money. He already holds it against my father and me enough. I don't want my engagement party to be ruined by it."

"Fine, who else do we need to invite?"

"Carly and the boys, Jason and Sonny," she listed.

"Jason?"

"He's related to you. He might come if Carly and Sonny do."

"Fine. What about Georgie?" I teased.

She smiled and stuck out her chin. "Why not! I'm sure she'd love it. She could bring Maxie, and we could watch her try to hook up with my brother. Are you crazy?"

"You keep asking me that?" I teased as I pulled her in my arms. "In case you haven't figured it out yet, I am crazy. Crazy 'bout you."

"That was too cheesy, even for you, Quartermaine."

_But you are here now, so that's all that matters._

Lulu left me alone in the kitchen to dive into a plate of sizzling bacon. When she returned, her ear was already pressed against her cell phone, talking a mile a minute to Elizabeth. "Do you think you could help me with it?" she asked. "Great! I will call Nikolas and make details. See you at Spoon Island in an hour?"

"So, what's the plan?" I inquired once she hung up the phone.

"Liz and I are going to set up. I am going to tell her beforehand because someone is going to have to help with crowd control. They won't push a pregnant woman in case there is an uproar," Lulu explained.

"They're going to be happy for us, honey," I promised.

"You don't know that."

"I don't, but I'm going to pray that they do," I murmured. "Listen, even if they don't, it doesn't matter. I have your father's permission, and I have a feeling that my mom is going to be okay with it. Much past that, what else do we need?"

"I'd like my brothers' blessing," she answered. "And your mother does approve."

"Oh, yeah? How do you know that?"

"I kind of asked her if I could propose to you."

"You hadn't told me that," I gasped, leaning my forehead against hers.

_I am starting to get that. It's just -- hasn't been an easy awakening. I kind of -- I have a hard head._

"I wanted to marry you. You just beat me to the asking. And I'm glad you did because I knew then that you wanted to marry me as much as I wanted to marry you."

"You know that I can't wait."

"Well, Young Spielberg," she ribbed, "you're going to have to wait. At least for now, but I promise it won't be long. I want to marry you within the month."

"That gives us two weeks."

"Think you can manage?"

I shook my head. "I don't know how I'll wait, but I'll find a way. You're worth it."

_Mom told me not to expect perfection out of the people that you love._


	18. Chapter 18

Lucky and Nikolas looked at me suspiciously as I sat across from them at a table at the Quartermaines. "There is something I need to tell you both," I said, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

Nikolas smiled cautiously. "Is everything okay with the baby?"

"The baby is fine," I reassured him. "I actually have some really good news."

"What is it, Lu?" Lucky asked impatiently.

"Dillon asked me to marry him. He bought our old house, Lucky," I explained. "We're going to get married in two weeks. I am hoping that you will both be there. I'd like Cam to be the ring bearer."

Lucky reached across the table, covering his hand with mine. "Are you sure you know what you're doing? I don't want you to rush into something just because of the situation. Do you really love Dillon Quartermaine?"

"You don't have to do this," Nikolas told me, echoing our brother's sentiment. "You have options. I will help you with anything you need. You can come live with me; I'll take care of everything."

_You were able to admit every mistake that you've ever made and all I could do was just stand there._

"This is what I want," I declared confidently. "I love Dillon, and he loves me. We're going to be parents. He is my family now."

"Then, I am happy for you," Nikolas said with a smile.

I looked at Lucky expectantly. Out of everyone in the world, his opinion mattered most to me. He had been there with me through everything. "What do you say, Big Brother?"

"You will always have my support," he emphasized, squeezing my hand tightly. "You are my little sister, and I am so proud of the woman you have become. If there is anything you ever need, you know that I will be there. I love you, Sis."

Jumping up, I wrapped my arms around Lucky and hugged him tightly. Nikolas smiled at me over his shoulder. "What about me?"

"We both know she loves be more," Lucky taunted.

"I love you both equally," I giggled, reaching over to hug Nikolas. "I just have one more favor to ask."

_You deserve the life that you've always dreamed of._

"And what is that?" Lucky grinned.

"I'd like you to have dinner with me at the Quartermaines. We are going to announce it to Dillon's family, and I wanted to have a dinner with you all there. I wanted to tell you ahead of time because I didn't want to spring it on you there. I thought if my side presented a united front, it might help Dillon."

Nikolas laughed. "Dinner at the Quartermaines? Well, my life has been boring lately, and everything about that situation is entertaining. You can count me in."

"He just wants to see Emily," I told Lucky. "What do you say, Cowboy?"

"Ugh, okay, Dad. I'm in, I wouldn't miss this for the world. What do you think the old man is going to say?"

"Well, we actually already have Tracy's blessing, so he might not be so bad. And besides, Emily won't let him get too out of hand," I replied. "Especially if Aunt Bobbie and Grandma Lesley are there. Edward won't misbehave in front of company."

_I think she's stronger than a lot of people think._

"Does Dad know?" Lucky asked finally.

"Get this! Dillon actually asked for Dad's permission."

"I bet Luke loved that," Nikolas chuckled.

"You'd be surprised. He actually was pretty supportive. He knows how much Dillon means to me. He knows how much I want this baby. Underneath the brooding bad boy, I think Dad just wants us to be happy," I chirped.

"I'm really happy for you then," Nikolas said. "May you have all the happiness you've ever dreamed of."

"Having your blessing makes this that much better," I told them both. "Lucky, do you think Elizabeth will come with you? I know that this isn't the easiest thing to ask of you, but she is my sister. I don't want to do this without her there. I want her to stand up with me."

Lucky looked down at his hands. Things hadn't been perfect between them, but he loved his wife. "Elizabeth will love that, Lulu. Thank you for asking."

_It's just hard when you love someone and they love someone else._

"Who else are you going to ask?" Nikolas inquired.

"Well, we talked about that briefly. Dillon is going to ask Ned to be his best man. We're only going to have one person stand up with us. Neither of us are formal people. We want to keep it simple, family and close friends only."

"You really are happy," Lucky observed.

I nodded thoughtfully. "I am," I agreed as my cell phone rang. Dillon's name flashed across the screen. "Speaking of which, that is my fiancée. I'll be back in a moment," I excused myself before stepping away from the table. "Hey."

"Hi, how's it going there?"

"We have their blessing!"

"That's great," he responded. "What about the dinner?"

"They agreed to come. Lucky is going to invite Elizabeth, and I'll call my aunt and grandmother later to make sure they'll be there. What about the Qs?"

"Everyone is in as far as I know. Jason even agreed to come. I think it's more for you than it is for me."

_It just kind of feels like I'm losing something. I guess I'm just one of those people who is never satisfied._

"Carly and I have become pretty close. She really helped me out when I didn't know what to do. Jason would do anything for Carly, and he knows that she'd cut into him if he wasn't there to support me. In fact, I should probably invite her. She loves anything to stick it to your family."

"Another Spencer-Quartermaine marriage," he sighed. "Grandfather hates everything that your family name symbolizes."

"But you idolize it," I laughed. "You should just take my name. It carries more weight in some circles."

"I don't think those circles are exactly the ones I'd go around touting."

"You're just jealous," I snapped jokingly. "I'm a Spencer. I could survive anything on my wits alone. We live by our own rules."

"Oh, yeah, what rules?"

"Family secret," I smiled.

"When am I going to see you?"

"I'll see you in a few minutes. Just let me say goodbye to my brothers, and I'll be home."

"I'll be waiting for you."

"I love that," I growled. "Say it again."

"I'll be waiting for you. And I love you."

"Damn, you're good."

_I'll miss you, too._


	19. Chapter 19

I watched Lulu as she flew across the kitchen, apron tied around her neck and hair pulled off her face. Alice sat idly by, watching over the mother-to-be as she tried to stir a boiling pot with one hand and scan a cookbook with the other. "What goes in next?"

"You need to add the eggs and butter," Alice replied, handing her the two ingredients. Alice had agreed to come help Lulu prepare tonight's dinner. While we had originally planned to hold the announcement dinner at the mansion, Lulu had insisted on having it at our new home at the last minute. Apparently, she thought we might stand a better chance if we were on our own territory. Personally, I thought she was worried over nothing. Either way, she got her way.

"Dillon, can you go make sure that the living room is straightened up?" Lulu called over the sound of the over timer. She was nervous about having everyone here. She wanted it to be perfect.

"I'll take care of it, sweetie," I obliged in an even tone, thankful to be excused from the chaos that was now our kitchen. I knew that the living room, just like every inch of the house, was spotless.

_You know, if your mom were here, she'd want her maid of honor out on the dance floor._

A few minutes later, Lulu came into the living room and collapsed on the couch next to me. "Alice kicked me out of the kitchen," she whined, burying her face in my shoulder.

"She probably just wants you to relax, sweetie," I reminded her, patting her hand affectionately. "Why don't you take a few deep breaths? It might help you calm down."

"I don't need to calm down!" she snapped before looking down at the floor. "Okay, maybe I do. It's just that tonight is really important, and your family is going to be here any minute."

Just as she said those words, our doorbell chimed happily. She threw me an exasperated, frazzled look. "You sit here, and I'll answer the door."

"No," she insisted, "we will answer it together. This is our home, and we are going to be a family. It's about time that everyone sees that."

Lulu marched confidently to the door, her flared black skirt trailing after her. She looked so beautiful. Stopping just short of the door, she looped her arm around mine and leaned up to hiss me. "Here goes nothing," I whispered.

"Whatever happens, I just want you to know how happy you have made me. I love you."

"And I, you," I replied as I opened the door. "Welcome!"

"Hello, Dillon, it's nice to see you as always," Lulu's grandmother greeted me before hugging her granddaughter. "You look radiant, darling."

_She's in every happy smile in this room. And she's in you. Give it a spin, come on._

"Thanks, Grandma," she bubbled from Lesley's arms. "You're our first guest other than Alice."

"Well, she's not the only guest," Nikolas chimed in from behind her. Lulu grinned as she hugged her oldest brother and kissed her nephew's downy hair.

"Nikolas!" the two women chirped in unison.

Just as I was wishing my family was this happy to see each other, Emily came sauntering in behind the tall, dark prince. Finally, a Quartermaine. "Hello, Emily," Lesley said warmly, kissing my cousin's cheek chastely in greeting.

"Did you come with Nikolas?" Lulu asked mischievously, earning her a look from her brother. Emily simply laughed as she moved past to hug me.

"Thank God, a Quartermaine," I chuckled. "I was starting to think I might be outnumbered."

"No such luck," she joked. "Congratulations on everything."

"You know?"

"Nikolas was too excited to keep it a secret. Besides, you could probably use my support," she pointed out as her parents arrived. "I've been called the voice of reason in this family, so I might come in handy."

_Yeah, well, maybe now you'll have a little more insight into why my family was so desperate for you to have the baby._

Over the next few minutes, everyone arrived. Luke came with my mother in toe, both of them weary of the entire situation. Grandfather was flanked by Alan and Monica, both quietly threatening physical harm if he misbehaved. Elizabeth was with Lucky, agreeing to a treaty for the evening. Carly had dragged Jason with her, both of them stowed quietly in a corner with Bobbie and Lucas. Skye and Ned were nibbling on crackers and discussing business. Lulu was sitting next to her grandmother, talking animatedly with Nikolas and Emily. As she laughed at something her brother said, her eye caught mine. She winked, and I knew then that everything would be okay.

"Everyone, I have an announcement," I called out, reaching for Lulu's hand and pulling her to the middle of the floor. "Well, as many of you know, Lulu is pregnant, and we are going to have a baby."

"Cheers!" Luke shouted as he knocked back a scotch. My mother shot him a withering look as she downed her own glass of gin.

"And as tonight's dinner illustrates, we now have our own home," Lulu stated.

"But there is one more bit of news that we have yet to share with you," I continued. "We wanted you to all be here and join us in celebrating our final announcement. Lulu?"

"We are getting married!" she giggled excitedly, holding up her hand to show the ring. Elizabeth leapt to her feet first, hugging her sister-in-law excitedly. Lucky watched on with a satisfied smile as the two most important women in his life celebrated together.

"You said yes?" my mother gasped as she jumped up to hug me. It was an unexpected question until I remembered what Lulu had told me.

"She said yes. I beat her to the punch."

"She asked my permission, you know?"

"And you gave it. Thank you for that, Mom."

"She loves you, and you love her. I just want you to be happy."

"We are happy," I promised her. "And I asked for Luke's blessing. He gave it to me as well."

_Have you known that it was going to end up like this all along?_

"Congratulations, gumdrop," I heard Luke murmur to his daughter. Lulu was nearly in tears as she hugged her father fiercely, her blue eyes brimming with emotion.

"Thank you, Daddy," she whispered as he stroked her blonde hair tenderly.

"Your mother would be so proud of you, I just want you to know that."

"I know that," she replied. "I finally know that."


	20. Chapter 20

Two days later, it was the middle of the night when the phone rang. Lulu was asleep beside me, her steady breath causing her chest to rise and fall. "Hello?"

"Dillon, I need to see you," a strong voice replied on the other end of the line. "It's about Lulu. Something has changed."

_Aren't you angry? You had a right to know what was happening to you, just like we did!_

"Where?" I asked, only half awake but coherent enough to understand the weight of his tone. "Luke, where do you want to meet?"

"Come by the Haunted Star," he decided. "Don't tell Lulu where you are going. I have some news, but I'm not ready to share it with her yet. Come now and come alone."

"I'll be there in a few minutes," I agreed before hanging up the phone.

_It would've made a huge difference._

"Be where/" Lulu asked.

Her eyes were still closed but I knew that she had heard the entire conversation. My mind raced as I tried to come up with an excuse or an explanation. Nothing would come. "I have to go see my mother. She has had some sort of argument with your dad, and I guess she is freaking out. Alice said she needs me, and Ned is out of town."

"Do you want me to go with you?" she inquired as she sat up. Her hair was matted to her forehead, but she still looked beautiful. I reached up and brushed it away from her eyes and cupped her chin in my palm tenderly.

"No, I won't be long. You should stay here and rest," I replied as I crawled out of the bed. Lulu leaned against the headboard as I dressed.

"There's something you're not telling me," she said suddenly.

_I can't lose you again! I -- I don't want to lose you again! I can't do it._

"No, there isn't."

"Yes, there is," she insisted. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Please, Lu, leave it alone," I implored. "I will tell you when I can, but for now, you just have to trust me."

"Is it about us? If this is about you and me, I need to know, Dillon."

"It's not about us. We're fine, baby," I murmured as I sunk onto the bed next to her. Her hormones were running rampant and she was near tears. Drawing her into my arms, I stroked her hair carefully until her nerves subsided. "I promise I will tell you when I can. Nothing is wrong, please believe me."

_It never crossed my mind that you wouldn't be here forever._

"I believe you," she whispered as she buried her head in the crook of my neck. "I just don't want secrets between us. I saw what the secret about my pregnancy did to us, and I don't want to go back to that place. It's the darkest time of my life, and I don't think I could stand it if I had to live my life without you."

"You won't have to," I promised her. "I have to go. I will be back when I can."

"Okay," she agreed as I kissed her once more.

By the time I walked into the casino, the exhaustion had grown. It was past three in the morning, and no one sane is up at that hour. "What is it, Luke?" I demanded as I collapsed onto one of the stools at the bar. The older man poured himself a scotch silently. "Come on, I didn't come all this way to watch you drink. Lulu is home alone, and I'd like to join her in bed within the hour. We're both exhausted."

_I hate that this is happening to you!_

"I don't need to hear the sordid details, Young Spielberg," Luke chuckled. "Look, I just wanted to give you an update on Laura's condition. Robin Scorpio and Patrick Drake have started a drug regimen that could bring my wife out of her catatonic state."

"Luke, that's amazing!" I exclaimed. "When are you going to tell your kids?"

"I'm not going to tell them anything until I know more," he proclaimed. "I didn't even want to tell you, but there is a chance that Laura could die. I know that Lulu is in a fragile state right now, so I wanted you to be prepared for the possibility. If that happens, I'm not going to be able to be there for her. Losing Laura would devastate me."

"It would devastate Lulu."

_I just -- I -- I can't believe that I'm going to lose you all over again._

"Exactly," Luke countered. "Regardless of the outcome, Dillon, she is going to need you there. If the medicine works, Lulu is going to have an overwhelming wave of emotions about seeing her mother again. She will be worried about how her mom will take the news of her pregnancy. And if, God forbid, we lose her, it's going to hurt her like nothing else in the world ever has."

"What about Lucky and Nikolas? Why haven't you told them?"

"They both have enough to deal with. Nikolas is trying to raise his son, and Lucky is in recovery. I will not burden them with this until I know something more certain."

"I hardly think they will see this as a burden," I argued.

_Over summer, I fell in love with Dillon Quartermaine…_

"Dillon, will you help me or not?"

I looked down at my hands. I didn't think he was doing the right thing by not telling his children, but that wasn't up to me. My job was to protect my fiancée and my child. "I would do anything for Lulu, even if it means keeping your secret. But if things get bad and I think she needs to know, I will tell her, Luke. She – just like her brothers – deserves to know she might lose her mother."

"I'll make that call when the time comes."

"No," I uttered stonily, "I will make that decision. I understand that you are Laura's husband, or close enough, and Lulu's father. But I am going to be her husband, and no offense, Luke, but I am more likely to be around when she does fall apart. She is going to need me, and I do not want her to be angry at me for not telling her the truth."

_No, it is not going to be all right! How can you just give up and leave?_

"Fair enough," he relented. "We'll do it your way because I know that you're right. If something happens, I will bail because that's what I do. I've always had someone to rely on to take care of my daughter. First it was Laura and then Lesley. Lucky has always watched over her, and even Cassadine has supported her. And now, I have passed that torch on to you."

"She needs you too," I revealed.

Luke shook his head. "I'd only do more harm than good. If it goes the wrong way, I'm going to go into a very dark place," he professed. "I can already see it. I'm afraid that I'll blame the kids because they're why I am doing this. I don't want to do that to my son, I don't want to do that to my daughter."

_All of my life, I have heard about your love and your courage and your strength. And -- and now when really matters, you're giving up without a fight?_

"Believe it or not, you actually have a say in how you treat other people," I pointed out. "But I know that your heart is in the right place. You want to protect Lulu from yourself, and I guess I have to be thankful for that."

"Speaking of my daughter, you should probably get home. If I know her, she's probably up worried about you."

"I doubt it. She's a pretty heavy sleeper these days," I laughed. "Thanks for calling, Luke. It is very important to me that you are looking out for her. Keep me posted."

_We're just supposed to accept that it's over?... Why isn't dad worth fighting for now? Why aren't we?... How can you claim that you love us so much and turn around and leave us so easily?..._ _It can't be happening already._

When I walked out of the casino, a ghostly blonde figure was leaning against my car. "Lulu, what are you doing here?"

"I think I should ask you that question," she declared, her hand on her hip. She glared at me accusingly as I stopped in my tracks. "What are you doing meeting my father, Dillon?"

"Why did you follow me? You said you trusted me," I shot back. I knew that I had been caught and my only defense was to point out her wrongdoing. Of course, being the brilliant woman that she is, Lulu immediately called me on it.

"Part of me does trust you, but there is another part that is telling me that something is up. When it comes to my own life, I figure I have a right to know. There is clearly something you don't want me to find out. It makes it very hard to believe in what we have, Dillon, when you can't tell me everything."

_There have been so many times that I needed to talk to you, where if I could just get your advice, I'd know that everything would be okay…I love you._

"Lulu, I'm sorry, I can't."

"You have to tell me," she began. I could see tears sparkling in the pale moonlight. "I have to know, Dillon. I have to know."

"I can't," I whimpered, begging myself not to cry.

"Please," she sobbed. "Please…"

_God forbid I make things any easier for anyone._

"Lulu," Luke said firmly behind me. "Why don't you come inside? I have a lot to tell you. It's about your mother."

"Mom?"

Luke nodded as he paused beside me. "You take a minute and talk to Dillon and then come inside. We need to have a long talk." With a reassuring smile, he disappeared back into the casino as quietly as he had come.

"It's about my mom," she said to no one in particular. "I'm scared."

I quickly made my way to her, pulling her body close to mine. "It will be okay," I vowed.

"Please don't leave me."

"I'll stay as long as you need me."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, I just don't know what is going on. Fear makes me angry."

"I should have told you sooner."

"It doesn't matter anymore. What matters is that you're here now."

"And I'm not going anywhere."

_But there is something I can do._


	21. Chapter 21

"Lesley Lu, I need to talk to you," my father told me. His strong eyes were unsure and shone with tears. "It's about your mother."

"I know," I replied softly, clutching Dillon's hand desperately. He rubbed his thumb across my wrist in a sign of support, and I feel a calm serenity consume my body. "I know it's about her. Just tell me."

_Is Lulu okay?_

"Robin Scorpio contacted me a few months ago about a new medication that could help bring her out of the catatonic state," he stated evenly. "I've met with researchers and specialists, I've heard every angle. Last night, I decided to go ahead with the procedure."

"That's where you were when you disappeared," I realized. "Will this work?"

Dad shrugged. "I don't know. No one knows. There isn't any way of telling. We're just taking a shot in the dark and hoping that we come up with something.

"What's the downside, Dad? You would have told us before if it was as easy as this."

_I just want to say I'm so sorry._

"Well…"

Dillon turned to me. "Lu, it could kill her. The chances are low, but it's still a possibility."

"So, you might have killed my mother?" I spat at my father angrily.

"She'd want me to take this chance, Lulu. I know you're mother, and if this was the only chance she had to be with you again, she'd take it. I couldn't deny her the one chance she had at living again. She'd want this, I know it."

"Have you told my brothers yet? They deserve to know."

"I will tell them. I didn't even want to tell you, but your fiancée there insisted on it."

I looked over at Dillon, whose half smile showed his concern. "You wanted to tell me," I remarked. "Thank you for wanting to tell me. It's more than anyone else has ever done for me."

_I think you get to be upset about the fact that your mom's fading and there's nothing you can do about it._

"I don't want any secrets between us," he told me before shifting his eyes to Luke. "I won't do it again. Everything is out in the open. If you can't tell your daughter, please don't tell me. Maybe Elizabeth and Emily can handle it with Lucky and Nikolas, but I won't lie to Lulu. She wouldn't do it to me."

"When will we know anything?" I asked.

"We should know tomorrow," my father replied. "They are going to give her a dosage in the morning. Patrick said that if she is going to respond, she'll do it by then."

"I want to be there."

"Lulu, I don't know if that's such a good idea," my father retorted. "I don't want you to be upset."

"You've never cared about upsetting me before, so don't start now. I can take care of myself. I know what my body can handle."

_I came by to help you pack up some of your stuff and bring it back to the house._

"And if there are any problems, I'll be there with her," Dillon added. "We're going to be there, Luke. Don't make this harder on her than it needs to be. This isn't just about you anymore; this is about Laura's children."

My father shot Dillon a withering look. "Don't pretend to know what my wife would want. You don't know my wife."

"You're right, I don't," Dillon shot back. "But I know Lulu."

"Fine," Dad relented. "I won't stop you from being there. I'm sure that your brothers will want to be there as well. It will be a family affair."

"I need to go home," I announced, rising carefully to my feet. "Dad, I can't have this conversation right now. I am going to go home and sleep on it. I guess I won't be able to figure out how I feel until we know what's going to happen."

_You're coming back, right?_

Standing up slowly, my father reached out and wrapped me in his arms. "I'm sorry, Gumdrop. I'm just so sorry."

I buried my head in my father's chest briefly before pulling away wordlessly. Dillon reached out and grabbed my hand, leading me out of the room and back to the car. Neither of us said a word on the way home. He simply held my hand and let me be alone with my thoughts. Finally, when we were back in the house, I allowed him in. "I can't believe that my mom might come back, Dillon. I mean, I never thought I would ever get the chance…" The tears had started to come by that point. Dillon knew better than to say anything in return. He just lifted me effortlessly in his arms and carried to our room.

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "This is me, a mess."

"I hate to break it to you, Lu, but I've seen you like this before," he teased as he slipped into the bed next me. "You have every right to be upset. I knew you would be, that's why I wanted to tell you. I thought that it might upset the baby so I agreed to keep it a secret, but I realized that it was more important that you know."

"I'm scared to get my hopes up," I admitted. "I mean, how is this even possible? I have prayed for this for the last four years, and now, it might come true. I've had so many dreams coming true lately, Dillon."

"Maybe this one will, too."

_I'm sorry._

"I've already had too much good come my way. I am a Spencer, I know better than to believe that I deserve it. This is going to be taken away from me. I don't know how or what, but I'm going to lose something."

"Look at me," he demanded instantly. "I'm not going anywhere. You need to hear me when I say that. I don't know what is going to happen with your mom, but I know that we're going to get through it. We're going to get through it together."

"Together," I echoed. "I've never had that before."

"Well, you have it now," Dillon replied. "We have it now."


	22. Chapter 22

"She's going to wake up," Lucky's said somberly on the other end of the line. I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to focus on the voice. Middle of the night calls from the Spencers were becoming far too common.

"Lucky, it's Dillon. Let me wake her up," I replied. The red glow of the clock beside me indicated that it was just past midnight. Two days had passed, and nothing had happened yet. Luke had told both Lucky and Nikolas, and Lulu had spent most of the day before going over all the options with her brothers and Robin Scorpio.

"No, maybe you should just let her sleep…" his voice trailed off.

"Lu would want to talk to you. Are you sure?" I asked cautiously, knowing that there was something else in his tone.

"Whatever you think is best," he replied noncommittally.

"Lu," I murmured, setting down the receiver. I gently shook her shoulder, smoothing her golden hair away from her eyes. "Sweetie, wake up."

_But this is not a stranger, this is Lulu. This is our Lulu._

"What?" she mumbled, pulling the blanket up around her chin.

"It's your brother. He wants to talk to you."

"Lucky or Nikolas?" she asked as she shot up. Very little would wake her from a deep slumber like a mention of her brothers. "Give me the phone." I handed Lulu the receiver and then crawled from the bed. Pulling a hoodie over my bare torso, I decided to give her some privacy.

"Lucky, what's wrong?" I heard her ask as I made my way down the stairs. Pausing at the foot of the stares, I smiled to myself as her melodic voice floated in the air. Walking across the room, I looked at the photographs that lined the mantle. There were snapshots of the Spencer family in different forms, before Lucky was born and then with Lulu and eventually even Nikolas. Lulu had even added a framed photograph of the two of us. Flipping on the switch next to the fireplace, the flame easily came to life.

Sinking onto the couch, I watched shadows dance across the wall. I leaned against the cushion and closed my eyes. "Relax, Dillon," I mumbled to myself as I pulled the blanket across my legs.

_I can't help thinking that she got herself involved in something dangerous._

"Yeah, Dillon, relax," Lulu said from behind me. I opened my eyes and shifted them upward to meet hers.

"Hey," I retorted. "Did you talk to your brother?" She nodded silently as she collapsed next to me. Her gauzy white nightgown clung to her every curve as she crossed and then uncrossed her legs. Hands resting on her stomach, her eyes turned to watch the fireplace.

"Come here," I murmured, pulling her back against me. "What happened?"

"Lucky's worried about my mom. And he's worried about me. Apparently, he and Nikolas are afraid that this is going to have an adverse effect on me," Lulu rattled. "I don't know, Dillon. Maybe it'd be better if she never woke up. She wouldn't be ashamed of me for what I've done."

_You -- you hope so? You hope so?_

"She's going to be proud of you, just like I am," I promised. "Lu, I know that you are afraid to let yourself want this, but you can. It's okay to say that you want your mother back. If I got the chance to know my father – a man I don't even know – I would be thrilled. I can't imagine what you're going through, but you're not going through it alone. You have your brothers, it's okay to let them in. And you have Elizabeth and Emily, they both love your mother. And you have me, I love you."

"I can't wait for you to get to know her," she mused dreamily. "My mom is going to love you. She always wanted my brothers and me to find someone who would take care of us. Nikolas and Emily are like royalty, and there are few couples more beautiful than them. Lucky and Liz were high school sweethearts; it doesn't get much better than that. And then you have us. We don't have quite as beautiful of a story, do we?"

"I don't know, we're going to have a baby, I think that's pretty beautiful," I countered. "Maybe we don't have the conventional beginnings and I know our story isn't necessarily one that you dream about…but it's ours. To me, that makes it beautiful."

_Well, I'm just trying to make sure that Lulu doesn't end up the same way._

"I didn't even know they made guys like you," Lulu giggled. "If I hadn't seen you for myself, I wouldn't believe you existed."

"I'd like to go with you to see her tomorrow," I stated as I raked my fingers through her long, silky hair. "I want to talk to the doctors; I want to understand all the details. I talked to Liz and Emily, and we all agreed. This isn't just happening to the three of you, it's happening to us, too. We love you, and we're apart of this family now."

"You've been conspiring behind my back? You really are apart of the Spencer family now."

_Yes, I do care about Lulu and it somewhat concerns me that you spend so much of your time making her life miserable._

"Hey, you Spencers don't have the corner marketed on conspiring. Lest you forget, I am a Quartermaine, a byproduct of Tracey Quartermaine and grandson of Edward Quartermaine. I'm not sure, but I don't think either of them is known for being nice and upfront."

"I love how your family throws around your name like it's supposed to impress anyone. I mean, come on, no one even knows what ELQ does."

"We throw our name around? Your family uses your last name to explain everything. Not only that, but you all act like you created the rules for survival."

"We did!" Lulu exclaimed proudly.

"You're so cute," I murmured as I captured her lips. She moaned against my mouth before parting her lips. Our tongues battled for control until I relented to her sensuous touch. Her arms snaked around my torso as she turned over on top of me. Ceasing control, I rolled over so that I was on top. Her back arched as she reached up hungrily to meet me again. Lifting off my hoodie, she traced her finger down my chest.

_Look, I do care about Lulu, okay? I don't want her to get hurt again. _

Parting her legs, I sunk back against her body and kissed her again. The silky material of her nightgown rubbed against me as her hands roved my back. Sitting up, I lifted it off her body and admired the bare beauty beneath me. She blushed as I gaped at her. Her hands yanked me back toward her. Brushing kisses in the hollow of her neck and across her shoulder, I am caught up in the moment when the phone rings.

"Ignore it," she mumbled as her fingers played with the soft hairs at the nape of my neck. I nodded against her shoulder as my mouth rose to meet her swollen lips. The phone rang a few more times before the answering machine clicked on.

"Lulu, sorry to call so late. It's Nikolas. Are you there? If you're there, pick up!"

"Dammit," she muttered as she pushed me off. Jogging across the room, she pulled the receiver off the hook. I ran my hands over my face to soothe the excitement pulsating through my veins. "Hey, Nik, it's me. What's wrong?"

"Slow down, I can't understand you," she said after a minute. I watched her carefully as the muscles tensed in her back. Something was going on. I jumped off the couch and walked up behind her. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I tried to give her my support. She turned around in my arms, tears welling in the corner of her eyes. Wordlessly, she handed me the phone before falling against me.

"Nikolas, it's Dillon. What happened?" I asked breathily.

"She's awake."


	23. Chapter 23

"You can do this," he murmured in my ear, placing his hand on the small of my back to lead me into Shadybrook. My father walked ahead of me, flanked on either side my brothers. He had promised Lucky that he would maintain a truce with Nikolas for the time being. Things were going to be difficult enough without having to worry about a Spencer-Cassadine battle.

"I don't know if we should even be here," I hear Emily murmur to Elizabeth as they walk behind us. Emily holds a sleeping Spencer in her arms as she quietly pads through the sterile hospital corridor. Cameron rests easily on Liz's hip as she moves next to her best friend. "I know that Laura would want you here, you were like a daughter to her. She doesn't know anything about me and Nikolas, though. I might be in the way."

"Nikolas is going to need you," I say over my shoulder, grabbing Dillon's hand for additional support. "We all need someone." Dillon smiles over at me knowingly as we reach the quiet waiting room.

_I can't desert Lulu right now._

"I am going to go in first," my father declared as he paused outside the door. "I don't know what to expect, I don't know how to do this. I know that you want answers, I don't have them. We just have to do this in the best way we know how."

Lucky nodded. "We understand, Dad. We'll do whatever we need to do. This isn't about anyone but Mom."

"Just go in there and be with Laura," Nikolas prodded. "You're the first person she would want to see. I'm sure she's already asking for you."

"Gumdrop?" Luke asked as he turned his gaze to me.

I shrugged. "You heard my brothers. I trust them. I trust you."

My father smiles warmly, an uncharacteristic display of affection. My mother has always brought out the best in him. "Here it goes," he sighed with a deep breath before slipping into the room.

_I want to make you happy. So I can't really take your emotions out of the equation. I love you._

Dropping Dillon's hand, I look to where Lucky is leaning against the wall. His dark tresses are mussed, the result of his relentless nervous habit of raking his fingers through his hair. I know that he is probably in the most agony. He has the best memories of our mother, the story of her life at her happiest. "It's okay, Lucky," I murmured as I reach out and pull him into a hug. He buried his face in my shoulder, his body racked with sobs. Over my shoulder, I can see my oldest brother watching on. "Come here, Nik."

"She's awake," Nikolas cried as he wrapped his arms around me from behind. Sandwiched between my brothers, we're a bundle of tears. "I can't believe we're doing this. We're going to see Mom."

Lucky laughed. "Mom waited her entire life to see us like this. She'd be happy to know that we were going to go through this together."

"We're going to go get some coffee," Emily announced quietly from behind us.

"We'll be back soon," Elizabeth added as she struggled to reach for her bag again.

Dillon lifted it and threw it over his shoulder. "Do you want anything?"

Stepping away from Dillon, I grab his wrist. "I want you to stay. I want you to go in there with me. I can't do this without you."

_We conceived a child together, okay, for all the wrong reasons._

He shook his head resolutely. "No, you have to do this on your own. I'm going to be here when you're done. You need to do this for your mother," he explained quietly before kissing me on the forehead and rubbing my stomach. "I'll be back by the time you come out. I love you."

Nikolas, Lucky and I watched sadly as our counterparts retreated for the safety of the cafeteria. There is so much my mother doesn't know. She doesn't know that Nikolas married and divorced Emily, that he fell in love with Courtney, that he has a son, that he has found his way back to Em. She doesn't know that Elizabeth and Lucky finally got married, that she has Cameron, that they are going to have another child. She doesn't know about Dillon, that I've fallen helplessly in love with him. She doesn't know that I am going to have her second grandchild a few weeks before Liz has her third.

Nikolas pulled me toward an empty chair. "You shouldn't be on your feet. I know all this stress isn't good for the baby," he patronized me like only an older brother could. I exchanged a glance with Lucky, who smiled wryly as he sat down next to me. "Who is going to go in first?"

_All I'm saying is that Lulu might be in serious trouble and I can't not help._

I looked at Nikolas and then Lucky. Then, they looked at each other. "I don't know," Lucky stated evenly.

"Lucky should go in," I decided. "Something tells me that she would want to see him first. Not for any particular reason, I just know that she would want to see him."

Nikolas smiled politely. "You're probably right."

"Are you sure? Maybe you should go, you're the oldest," he offered. "Or maybe Lu should go, she's the youngest."

"That's exactly why you should go first," I said. "You are always thinking of someone else first. Your mind is completely on Mom right now, not yourself. You're not thinking about what you have to hide from her or how disappointed she is going to be."

_Lulu, if you are being forced to lie right now, say "the snow is great."_

"Lu, I'm not perfect," he protested. "I'm ashamed of my actions over the past few months. I'm embarrassed that I am in recovery and that I have put my wife and son through hell."

"We've all messed up," Nikolas commiserated. "We're not perfect. But we are a family and we do love each other. And our mother has always loved us exactly for who we are. I know it's been four years, but I don't think that part of her has changed."

Just as the final word slips from Nikolas' mouth, my father sauntered into the hall. "She's awake, and she is asking to see her children," he proclaimed as he sighed deeply. Collapsing in a chair, he clutched his head in hands. "You have to go in one at a time. Her memory is still very foggy. Who wants to go first?"

_Forget I was stupid enough to care._

"We decided that Lucky should go first," Nikolas revealed as he slung his arm around my shoulders.

Luke bobbed his head. "That's fine. Just go on in. I'm going to go for a walk."

"No!" I shouted, my father recoiling at my loud voice. "I'm sorry, please stay. I need you to tell me how she is. I need to know about my mother."

"She asked about you first," he mused. "Right after she realized that who I was, she asked about you. She wanted to know about our beautiful daughter."

_I decided to grow up. If you love me, you would accept that._

"Does she understand what is going on?" I stammered, my father shaking his head sadly in response. It's been a few minutes since Lucky disappeared inside the room, but it feels like hours. "I'm glad she asked about me."

The door to her room opened and Lucky emerged. His face was worn and tired, full of emotion and grief. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand before running his fingers through his hair yet again. "Lulu, it's your turn."

"Maybe Nikolas should go," I mumble.

Lucky shook his head. "It's your turn, Lulu," he declared firmly. My older brother, the most important person in my life next to Dillon, is giving me an order to do something he knows I don't want to do. He knows me well enough to know that I have to be told to do it.

"Okay," I agreed quietly, slowly standing up to gain my composure.

My father squeezed my hand as I passed. "You can do this."

Beside him, Nikolas grinned reassuringly. "We're right out here if you need us."

Lucky is the last address me before I see my mother coherent for the first time in four years. He hugged me tightly. "Just remember, she loves you. And I love you."

"I love you, too, Big Brother," I vow before pushing the heavy door open. My mother is sitting in her usual rocking chair, her straw blonde hair just visible above its high back. Time seems to stand still as she turns to look at me. Her jaw drops, her hand flying to cover her mouth.

"Lulu?"

"Hi, Mom."


	24. Chapter 24

"I can't imagine what this must be like for them," Emily murmured as she slipped into the orange plastic chair. Strapping Spencer into the highchair next to her, she absently opened a jar of mashed peas and started to spoon them carefully into the infant's mouth. Between bites, she would sip her cup of steaming coffee and glance at the other two bystanders.

"Laura was such an amazing mother," Elizabeth mused. "I never really had my parents around, so I always knew what Lucky had was special. She loved her children so much that anyone else who was around her could just feel it. It radiated off her brilliantly."

_Well, you've never had a life inside of you. You've never had to choose! You've never had to think about what would be best for you._

I ran my finger around the lip of the foam coffee cup. "I think Laura is a big reason that Lulu wanted to keep the baby," I admitted aloud. "I think she knew that she had an amazing mother, and that maybe she inherited that. She learned from a great example."

"She certainly did," Emily agreed. "Right after I moved to Port Charles, I immediately took a liking to Lucky. After I lost my mother, it was just so nice to be around a normal family. The Quartermaines are anything but average."

_Or what it would really be like to bring a child into this world that you didn't want and that you couldn't take care of, even though the father promises that he would love your baby when you know for a fact that he doesn't love you._

"You can say that again," I chuckled, lifting my cup in a mock toast to my cousin.

Elizabeth smiled as she cut Cameron's grilled cheese into smaller pieces. "Lucky isn't dealing with it very well. He's scared that he is going to have to lose her all over again. I don't know if he could handle it."

"I don't know if any of them could handle it," I stated. "Lulu has tried to pretend that she has it all together, but I can see right through it. I wish there was something I could do to convince her that everything is going to be okay, but I feel like I'd be lying to her. I can't predict the future."

"None of us can," Emily pointed out, ruffling Spencer's hair affectionately. "I know that Lucky and Lulu are going to look to Nikolas for strength. He has always tried to put the best face forward when it comes to his family. Lucky has always been the one that held them all together, and Lulu was the second coming of her father. But Nikolas was the strong one. But I can see that it is killing him inside…"

_You never had to end a life that started inside of you, okay? You never have to think about a child every single time you see one._

"It's an interesting position we are in. To be a part of the situation without really being apart of it. I keep trying to think about what it would be like if I were them. The truth is, I can't really," Liz professed.

Emily nodded knowingly. "I've been thinking about what it would be like if I had my biological mother back. I'd be thrilled, but it'd be a scary thing. They're in an even harder position because she has never really left them. They've always been stuck in limbo."

"The only thing I can really compare it to is my father," I begin. "I've never really known him, save for a few random occasions when I was really young. It'd be hard to have him come back into my life at this point if he just disappeared again."

_You never have to answer those questions that don't have any answers that won't go away._

Stretching his little arms above his head, Cameron giggled suddenly. "Daddy!" Emily, Elizabeth and I turned to see Lucky sauntering toward us.

"How'd it go?" Elizabeth murmured as she stood up. She wrapped her arms around her husband.

"It was hard. Harder than I thought it would be," Lucky stated. "She's really out of it. She doesn't realize how much time has passed. She knows that something is different with me, but she can't quite figure it out yet. Dad wants to wait to fill her in, but I don't know. I guess I have to talk to Nik and Lu before we make any final decisions."

Emily nodded. "It sounds like the rational thing to do," she said supportively, rubbing her friend's shoulder. "What next?"

_I'm a lot stronger than I look right now, so why don't you just say what you really mean? You didn't know that I lost my virginity based on a lie, and hit the jackpot and wound up pregnant._

Lucky shrugged. "Lulu is in there now."

"She's in there?" I asked quietly, speaking for the first time since Lucky appeared. "By herself?"

He nodded. "They sent me in first. She asked for Lulu next. I don't know what is going on, I couldn't wait around there anymore. I had to go for a walk."

"Does she know about us?" Liz asked.

"She knows that we're married and that we're going to have a baby. She knows about Cameron. I couldn't tell her about the rest. Not yet, at least."

"She'd forgive you, Lucky. I have," she reminded him as she squeezed his hand.

_And I just had a major meltdown, and you're trying to figure out how to keep me in once piece..._

"I have to go," I said suddenly as an overwhelming wave of emotion swept over me. "I think that Lulu needs me."

"What do you mean?" Emily asked as she looked at me strangely. I knew that the comment was mystic and didn't quite make sense, but everything in my body was telling me to go to her. I didn't answer my cousin as I took off for Laura's room. I had to be with her.

A few short minutes later, I arrived back to the waiting room. I could hear Lulu even before I saw her. Her familiar but heartbreaking sobs consumed the air as she sat huddled over on the vinyl couch. "Baby, what happened?" I whispered as I sat down next to her.

_Don't you dare feel sorry for me._

She threw herself in my arms. "She freaked out. She saw me and she freaked out. She couldn't believe that it was me. She expected a kid. I sent her over the edge."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Lu. They should have told her before you went in to see her. It just shocked her. Your mom will adjust and figure things out. You have to hang in there with me."

"Nikolas heard her screaming and came in after me. Their was this panic in his eyes. It was unlike anything I've ever seen. The first thing he did was get me out of there. He left me here for a second to go get the doctor. He didn't go in to see her until the doctors had calmed her down enough. He said he didn't want to leave me."

"I should have been here. I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have pushed you into doing this before you were ready," I chastised myself. Lulu hadn't wanted to do this alone. She had begged me for a reprieve, but I can convinced her that it was the best thing for her to do. Maybe I was wrong.

_I was afraid she would hate me, that she would be so disappointed that she wouldn't look at me the same way again. But I was wrong. My mom was wonderful. She couldn't have been more supportive. And it felt like this huge weight had been lifted off me, until she went back into herself again._

"No, you did the right thing. I had to face this on my own," she reassured me. "Just knowing that you would be here afterward to listen and help me, I knew that I could do it. And it sucked, Dillon, but I had to do it. She has to know who I am now, not who I used to be."

"That sounds awfully grown up of you, Spencer," I teased as I wiped the tears from her beautiful face. She smiled at me and rested her cheek in my palm.

"Hey, Quartermaine, you know I love you, right?" she asked softly.

Leaning forward, I nodded as our foreheads bumped. Kissing her briefly, I felt her mouth turn up into a smile against my lips. "I love you, too."

"Excuse me," Nikolas announced, clearing his throat. "She's resting, but she wants to see you, Lulu. You can go in."

"Dillon, will you go with me?"

I looked at her and then Nikolas. He shrugged, unsure of what was right. "Do you really think that's what is best?"

"She has to know who I am," she repeated. "You are the biggest part of that now."

_Don't you ever have any doubts or regret anything that you've done? What have you done that you're sorry for? I mean, really sorry for. Not just inconvenienced…I mean, what do you wish that you had done differently, or not done at all?_

"Then, let's go," I announced, standing up boldly and taking her delicate hand in mind. She entered just ahead of me, her shoulders squared in confidence. My eyes shifted to her mother immediately, a weak and meager frame of a woman with ghostly eyes and a broken smile.

"Hello, Lulu," Laura said timidly.

Lulu dropped my hand and knelt in front of her mother. "Are you okay?"

She looked at me before gazing back at her daughter. "Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry that I reacted like that," she apologized, "I know that that must have scared you. Please know that wasn't my intention. I just didn't understand."

"Do you now?"

"Sort of. Nikolas tried to explain it to me. Your father eluded to an accident. The details are still a little fuzzy, but I know that four years have passed. You're a young woman now. I wasn't ready for that. Or how beautiful you've become."

"I'm not beautiful," Lulu protested.

"I beg to differ," I chimed in from behind them.

Laura turned and looked at me again. "Do I know you?"

_And you've never crashed and burned, so you don't know how it feels and that's why you can't empathize with me._

I shook my head as Lulu moved next to me. "Mom, this is Dillon Quartermaine. He's Tracey's son."

"Well, not to be rude, but what are you doing here with my daughter?"

"Mom, Dillon and I are together. We're in love."

Laura looked aghast. "I just can't believe you're old enough to be in love with anyone. I don't know why I should be surprised. I was already married to your father when I was your age. Well, tell me how it happened."

"Later, Mom," she promised. "I don't really want to talk about it in front of Dillon. Besides, you are probably tired. We should get home."

"Home? Do you live at the Quartermaines still, Dillon?"

I shook my head. "No, actually, I don't."

"He lives in our old house."

_Why can't I just put it behind me? Why do I keep thinking about it? Asking these questions that don't have any answers? _

"How is that possible?"

"I bought it," I explained shortly.

"He bought it for us. We live together."

"Oh, wow. This is quite a lot to take in at once."

"I just want you to know who I am now, Mom. I know a lot has changed, but I think it's more important for you to see me as I am today rather than try to remember who I used to be."

Laura nodded carefully. "Are you…are you married?"

Lulu looked at me. "Not yet."

"Not yet? But you will be?"

I nodded. "Your daughter is my entire world."

_I mean, why do I get defensive and judgmental with total strangers and melt down in front of people that I barely know? Why can't I just let it go and move on?_

Smiling at her daughter, Laura tapped her foot nervously as she rocked back and forth. "I'm happy for you, Lulu. IT sounds like you have created a good life for yourself," she praised. "But you're probably right, I'm tired. I'd like to get some sleep."

"Okay, Mom, I will come by to see you tomorrow."

"Oh, I hope that you will," she murmured as she embraced Lulu tightly. As she pulled back, she looked at her daughter strangely. "Wait. There's something else you're not telling me."

Lulu crossed her arms over her stomach protectively. "No, there isn't."

"Don't lie to me, please. This is hard enough already."

Lulu stepped back and looked at me helplessly. Her eyes pleaded with me to make it better. Gazing back at her, I tried to telepathically ask her the question on my mind. I'm not sure if she got it or it was wishful thinking, but she shrugged and nodded slightly. "Lulu and I, we're having a baby."

_Maybe my mistake was expecting to just bounce back like nothing ever happened. Maybe I need to live through whatever it takes, as long as it takes._


	25. Chapter 25

"A baby? How is that possible? You're just a kid," Laura muttered as she pulled nervously on a strand of golden hair. It reminded me of how Lulu looked when she was trying to figure something out in her head.

"Well, you have two kids," Lulu replied carefully. "I'm pretty sure you know how it works. The old-fashioned way, that's how I got pregnant."

"What Lulu means is that we fell in love and we made this baby. I won't pretend that it was planned because it wasn't. But it happened, and it's our unexpected blessing. We're happy, and that's all there is," I explained.

_Some people have all the luck -- there are a few memories I wouldn't mind erasing._

"Well, congratulations, I suppose," Laura smiled at her daughter. "This seems to be what you want, so I'm happy for you. You have to understand that it's going to be kind of an adjustment for me. The last thing I remember is a little girl."

"I'm not a little girl anymore," Lulu protested pointedly.

"No," Laura uttered. "No, you're not. My eyes can see that, and my mind comprehends that. It's my heart that seems to be having a problem."

"It's okay, Mom," Lulu replied soothingly, dropping to her knees next to her mother. Grasping her hand, Lulu peered up at her mother with hooded eyes. "I know that this isn't what you wanted for me. I know that I'm probably a disappointment.

_He can be nice when he has a decent moment. But, seriously, I hate being treated like a little child, ok? I didn't just sit this adventure out. I actually helped -- a lot._

"You could never disappoint me, Lulu. All I have ever wanted for you is to be happy. Looking into your eyes, I can tell that you are. Maybe I wouldn't have chosen this exact path for you, but what's important is that you chose your own path. You found your way."

Lulu looked up at me and grinned. "I got lucky. My path led me somewhere wonderful."

_That bad boy is real attractive to a girl who needs to feel important or -- I'm sorry, but -- a girl who has father issues._

"I'm the lucky one," I assured them both.

"Well, we should be going," Lulu said again. She kissed her mother's cheek and waved before pulling me out the door. Outside the door, she stopped and finally let herself come to terms physically with what happened. She fell to her knees, wrapping her arms around her body in an intricate form of self-protection.

"What's wrong?" I murmured as I knelt carefully beside her, taking her gently in my arms. Her body quivered with tears, her voice wavering as she fell deeper and deeper into a dark sadness.

"Now, stop this," Luke said softly behind her.

_But just like any other drug, the high doesn't last, and all of a sudden, you realize that you are tired and you are scared. And you see that you live in a fortress, and every move you make is under the scrutiny of the cops, enemies, or even your bad-boy husband._

"Stop," I warned in a hoarse whisper, shielding Lulu from the brunt of his criticism. She needed to feel this. She needed to let her mind shut down and her heart rule her actions, if only for a few minutes. "Come on," I prodded soothingly, pulling her to her feet. "Luke, I'm going to take her home. One of us will speak to you tomorrow."

Luke didn't say anything as I guided a silent Lulu toward the front door of Shadybrook. Inside the atrium, I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and dialed the mansion. As soon as a car was on its way, I supported her leaning frame with my tired body and prayed that somehow everything would be okay.

An hour later, Lulu was asleep upstairs. A business book spread out in front of me on the table, I tried to force myself to focus on the term paper due the next day. Distraction consumed me until my cell phone rang, giving me a brief reprieve. "Hello?"

_You get a taste of what it's like to color outside the lines, and the next thing you know, you're addicted._

"How is she?" Nikolas asked on the other end without saying hello.

"Sleeping," I replied shortly. "She did okay while we were in there with Laura, but she broke down as soon as we left. Luke tried to get her to stop, but I wouldn't let him. She needs to go through this. It kills me to see her like this, but I think it's the best thing for her."

"Did she say anything?"

"No. She was pretty quiet. I tried to get her to talk after she stopped crying, but I didn't want to push. She'll come to me, or someone, when she's ready. For now, I just have to do what I can."

"This is hard on all of us, but I think it's the hardest on her. I wish that there was something I could do to make it easier. I wish I could take it all away."

"You're telling me," I mumbled wryly. "We told Laura everything. About the house, about the engagement, about the baby. She seemed supportive, but Lulu didn't feel it. Something in her eyes told me that she was still afraid. I don't know what she's scared of, but that fear is still there. And that fear is very real."

_Every decision and action you make comes with three times the consequences. Do you get that? Do you know what that means? _

"I know why she's scared," Nikolas revealed. "She's waiting for the other shoe to drop. Every time Lulu has believed that she had everything, someone was taken away from her. Her mother went inside herself, and her father has disappeared more times than I can count. We thought Lucky died in a fire. I divorced Emily. She's seen so much loss."

"And she thinks now that Laura is back, she is going to lose someone else."

"Not just anyone else, she thinks she is going to lose you," Nikolas stated. "Or worse yet, the baby. Lulu has had all the loss she can take, and she knows that losing you or the baby would be the end of her."

_Well, sometimes what we say isn't what we mean -- or even want -- and I -- I know that I can't really compare my time with Dillon to yours with Sonny, but there are some similarities._

"Why didn't I see that?" I chastised myself aloud.

"Because you were so busy trying to figure out how to protect her from Laura that you didn't see what she was really afraid of."

"I'd never leave her, Nikolas," I vowed.

_I know that Dillon and I are over._

"I know that you love my sister and would never leave her intentionally. I think she knows that. It's the unintentional loss she's worried about."

"I'll do whatever I have to do to protect her."

"You would?" her sleepy voice said from behind me. She sauntered over and situated herself in my lap. Prying the phone from my hand, she told her brother that we had to go and shut it off. "Now then. You would?"

I pressed my forehead against hers and nodded, our noses and chins bumping. "I'd do anything for you, Lesley Lu Spencer."

"Then, help me get through this," she pleaded. "Just help me get through this."

_But no matter how many times I tell myself that over and over, I can't seem to feel it._


	26. Chapter 26

"Lulu, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"What do you want?" I ask hollowly. I was exhausted, stressed and overwhelmed with everything going on. The last thing I wanted to do was go another round with Dillon's ex-wife. I just wanted to drink my orange juice and read the music magazine I'd brought with me to Kelly's in peace.

_You got kidnapped?!?_

"Can I sit?" Georgie asked timidly, tucking a strand of light brown hair behind her ear. I nodded as she carefully pulled a chair from the table. Arranging herself in the seat, she waved Penny over to order a cup of coffee. "I'd really like to talk to you, if you have a minute."

"What could you possibly have left to say to me, Georgie? I know what I've done; you've listed my sins to me. I'm not in the mood to listen to it."

"I talked to Dillon," she began slowly. "I ran into him on campus. He told me about your mom. It sounds like you're going through a lot."

_No, no, no, my family can't know about this._

"He shouldn't have told you anything," I replied bluntly.

"Well, I sort of already knew about it," she admitted. "Bobbie told my dad about it last night. I overheard them talking."

"I guess the cat's out of the bag then. My mom is awake. We're not sure for how long or if she'll go crazy again. She knows that I'm pregnant by my stepbrother…well, she doesn't know that my dad is married to Tracey, but she knows that I'm pregnant. She knows that Dillon and I are living together and that we want to get married."

"How did she take it?"

"How do you think? She tried to pretend that she was okay with it, that she just wanted me to be happy. But I could see it in her eyes. The inevitable disappointment rears its ugly head."

_Family and friends -- if they're not the prime suspects, they can point you towards the prime suspects, and they always, always provide you with motive._

"Lulu, I'm sure your mother does just want you to be happy…"

"Don't!" I nearly yelled. "You don't know anything about my mother. And you don't know anything about me. Do not sit here and pretend to give a damn about me."

"We were almost friends once," she remarked sadly. "I do care about you. Yes, I'm angry that you did what you did, but I wouldn't wish this on anyone, not even you. I know this has to be hard. I don't know what it would be like if my biological father came back, and I don't even really know him. This has to be hard."

"I'll be fine," I assured her shortly.

_You don't need to be going to sleep at night with that in your head._

George nodded thoughtfully. "I know you will. You have Dillon to take care of you. He's really good at that. Even when everything in you is screaming to push him away, he's there to make everything okay."

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. It's just that this is really hard for me to go through. I probably shouldn't say this to you, but I don't think I could get through this without Dillon."

"I never thought I would say this to you, but I'm glad you have him, too. Things with Dillon had been over for awhile. Even though I will never think that what you did was right, a small part of me is glad it all happened. It finally gave us the courage to move on."

"You have to hate me."

_Don't put words into my mouth._

"I did," she agreed. "But my time with Dillon has ended, and I just want him to be happy. You seem to make him happier than I ever could. And we were pretty happy at one time, so that says a lot."

"I want you to know, I really do love Dillon. I will take care of him."

"Speaking of which," she murmured as Dillon came in. His eyes flashed with concern as he looked from Georgie to me. I smiled at him to reassure him that everything was fine, but I could still see the caution in his movement as I rose to greet him. Kissing his cheek tenderly, I whispered hello to him before shifting my gaze back to Georgie.

"I know you will," she smiled. "Look, I have to go meet up with Professor Marquez. I'm helping him with this project for class. Hopefully, I will run in to you soon. Maybe we could have lunch or something."

"That would be nice," I concurred as Georgie gathered her things. She patted my hand before making her exit, her striped scarf trailing after her. Once she was gone, I turned my attention to Dillon. "Hi."

_Actually, it matters a lot. _

"Am I in an alternate universe?" he asked with a wide smile.

"I don't know, maybe," I giggled. "I think we just got Georgie's blessing. I think she even wants us to be friends. It was all very…mature of us."

"She knows about your mom," he revealed. "I ran into her at the bookstore, and she started asking questions. I didn't tell her a lot, but I did tell her that Laura was awake. I shouldn't have."

"She already knew," I ensured him. "Bobbie told Mac. Anyhow, it doesn't matter. Everyone is going to find out soon enough, and we should be celebrating this. It's not something to hide. I feel like I've been depressed about it when I should be overjoyed."

"You're just trying to be cautious, no one can blame you for that," Dillon retorted. "You have the right to act and feel however you think is right. And thank you."

_You okay?_

"You're thanking me?"

He laughed. "Yes, I'm thanking you. You made peace with Georgie. You have no idea how much that means to me. I don't know if you all can be friends – that's up to you. But I appreciate that you made an effort."

"I have no reason to dislike her anymore," I taunt him lightly as I move closer to him. "She doesn't have anything I want anymore. In fact, I have everything that I could ever want right here at this table."

_What happened in here changed everything – my life._

"Everything?"

"Well, not everything."

"Hey!" he protests with a laugh.

"Well, I could use a couple of those chocolate chip cookies over there. And a glass of cold milk."

"Anything for you, my love, anything for you."


	27. Chapter 27

"I am going to go for a drive," I told Lulu early the next morning before the sun had even come above the horizon. A single lightbulb in the lamp next to the bed cast a warm glow across her face as she rolled over to peer up at me.

Her eyes met mine as she squinted, trying to make sense of what I've just said. "Okay, do you want me to go with you?" she asked.

"No, you stay in bed. It's really early," I told her as I pulled the blanket next to her chin. I stroked her hair tenderly as her heavy eyes fell shut again. She turned her face in my palm.

"Are you okay?" she murmured without opening her eyes.

_Dillon is helping me with a project. You just walked in on us trying to work out the logistics of a project._

"I'm fine," I lied as I flipped off the lamp and grabbed my keys from the top of the bureau. I don't offer anything else, and she doesn't say another word. I close the door quietly behind me as I trample down the stairs and head for the garage. Within moments, I'm headed toward Shadybrook to see Laura.

"I know it's early, but she's expecting me," I tell the nurse behind the desk when I finally arrive at the hospital.

Her hair is pulled back into a tight bun and her smile is courteous but rigid. "It's before visiting hours. You cannot go in," she stated bluntly.

_Nothing romantic is going on here, if that's what you're thinking. We're solving a mystery, that's it._

"Please," I implored, "it's a family emergency."

"You're not family," she reminded me. "I know that Ms. Spencer only has two sons, Nikolas Cassadine and Lucky Spencer. You are neither one of them."

"No, I'm Dillon Quartermaine," I revealed, hoping that my name would have some kind of pull.

"Quartermaine? You're related to the Quartermaines that live up on the hill?"

"Edward Quartermaine is my grandfather."

_It's the perfect way to reel you in…Lulu is nobody's fool. She saw how lying to you to get you into bed worked out, now she's moved on to smarter, brainier schemes._

"Your family has been very generous to Shadybrook," the nurse said. I could see that she was reconsidering.

"I am sure that we will continue to be very generous. You see, I am going to marry Laura's daughter, Lulu. Her full recovery is very important to me, and my grandfather has always been fond of Laura. I am sure he would be more than happy to support any research that would be beneficial to her."

"Well, I guess we could make an exception this one time," the nurse relented, punching her keyboard a few times. "Go on in. You have twenty minutes before the doctor comes around to do checks."

"Thank you," I called over my shoulder as I slipped into the locked ward. Whipping around the corner, I managed to find my way to Laura's room undetected by anyone else on the staff. I knocked twice and pushed the door open.

_She is justified in being suspicious of me. But you are wrong. This is not a trap to get Dillon._

Laura was standing in front of the huge picture window, staring aimlessly at the glittering skyline of Port Charles. She looked so much like Lulu, the same vulnerable innocence in her eyes as she turned to greet me. "Dillon, thanks for coming."

"She doesn't know that I'm here," I promised her before sitting in the rocking chair.

"If you don't mind waiting, I've asked someone else to join us," Laura explained as she paced the length of the window sill. As if on cue, another knock on the door brought Laura's other guests. "Hello, girls."

_Wow, I am impressed._

"Hi," Emily said softly as she came forward to hug Laura. Elizabeth embraced her next as I jumped to my feet to offer my chair to the pregnant woman. She smiled gratefully as she slumped into the old wooden rocker. Emily sat on the floor next to her best friend's feet while I perched on the corner of the nightstand.

"I didn't tell Lucky that I was coming here," Liz announced.

"Nikolas doesn't know either," Emily added.

"Apparently, none of us told your children that we were coming," I said pointedly.

_Well, obviously he's not that out of it if even he can see that lulu is still attracted to you. I can see it. How come you're the only one wearing blinders?_

Laura arranged herself on the edge of the bed and nodded thoughtfully. "It's for the best. I just wanted to talk to you about Lulu. Luke has told me that this might not be permanent. I'm not worried about myself. If I revert, I won't be hurt. I won't know what's going on. My children, they will be the ones who are affected."

"I'm sure they can handle it," Emily tried to comfort.

Elizabeth shook her head. "I know what you're saying, Laura. It's a mother's instinct to protect your kids, but you can't protect them from this. Whether you like it or not – whether we like it or not – it may happen. But I know Lucky and I know your other children, they'd rather have a few days with you and endure the aftermath then never get this chance."

_There's a difference between friendship and love. You can care about someone without wanting to be with them._

Laura looked at me. "Well, what do you think?"

"I think that Liz is right. I know that this is what Lulu has prayed about since she was a little girl," I began. "I know that she is scared that this is going to be taken away from her, and maybe it will be. But she doesn't regret that she has this chance. She never would."

"If I…" Laura trailed off before gathering herself. "They are going to need you. Luke won't be able to take care of them, we all know that. Nikolas will pretend to be strong. He'll think he needs to take care of everyone. He'll want the best medical advice money can buy. He'll want to be able to reassure himself and everyone else that it's the best possible situation."

_You and Lulu have history._

"He will," Emily agreed. "But he will also allow himself time to grieve in private. He is different with me than he is with anyone else in the world. He'll throw himself into being a father to Spencer, just like he did after he lost Courtney. Nikolas will come through this because he won't be alone."

"None of your children will be," Elizabeth pointed out. "I know that you're probably worried about Lucky falling into bad habits. And maybe I should think more about it, but I have faith in my husband. He has proven to me that he can endure sobriety through the most difficult of circumstances. He'd be too worried about being strong for Lulu to revert back to that lifestyle. He wants to be a good husband, a good father, a good brother. My children, me, his sister…we're his biggest priorities in life."

"Lulu would need him," Laura mumbled. "I think of all my children, she would take it hardest. I know it was hard on her last time."

"But this time is different," I said. "This time she has me. I would never let her go through this alone. She'd have Nikolas, Lucky and me. She'd have Liz and Em. She'd even have the Quartermaines. Amazingly enough, they adore Lulu. Even my mother has accepted her into the family."

"It's true," Emily said. "Tracey seems to have a soft spot for her."

_I like Lulu. And the fact that we went through the hell of getting pregnant, that's something that's probably going to -- well, it's going to bond us._

"My children are going to need you. I couldn't have chosen three better partners for them. Emily, you have always brought out the best in Nikolas. With you, he can relax and just be normal – well, as normal as Cassadines get. I've seen his eyes gaze at you, I know the love that is there."

"And Elizabeth, you have long been like a daughter to me. You know that I always wanted you to end up with Lucky. Your love has endured so much… Attacks, lies, deaths… I know how hard it is to love a Spencer man, but we sure do love them, don't we?"

Elizabeth nodded. "More than life itself."

_Oh, hell, no. No, what is he doing here?_

"And then there is you, Dillon, you fell in love with the hardest of them all. The spitting image of her mother with her father's wild soul, Lulu is like no other."

"Laura, Lulu doesn't need me to take care of her. She is the strongest person I know. Her ability to reinvent herself, to make these incredible comebacks…it's like no one else I've ever seen," I told her. "But Lulu has me to love her. To support her in whatever she does, to be her partner in life. This would be hard on Lulu, but she'd get through this. I know that much."

"Thank you," Laura said to me before looking at the two girls. "Thank all of you. I feel better knowing that you are here for them if I cannot be."

_I appreciate your concern, really, I -- I do, but I'm fine. In fact, you'd be happy to know that I'm setting aside my own personal pain to reach out and help others._

"Thank you for giving us to them," I said as my phone rang. I pulled it from my pocket, smiling apologetically at everyone. Lulu's name flashed on the screen. It was still so early, she should be awake."

"Dillon, I'm in pain," she whimpered. "I'm cramping. And there's blood."

_Somehow I doubt that, but that's beside the point. You don't want him here._


	28. Chapter 28

"We have Lesley Lu Spencer here," the paramedic announced as he rushed me through the front door of General Hospital. I covered my stomach as I lay motionless on the stretcher, the harsh fluorescent lights passing rapidly above me. I tried to focus on his voice, to stay away from the dreamy haze that was trying to slowly pull me under. Every once in awhile, another wave of pain would rip through my abdomen, consuming my body.

"That's my niece," I could hear Bobbie say as the bed came to a stop. Her warm hand gripped mine as she listened to the medic rattle off my vitals. I didn't know what the series of numbers and letters meant, only that Bobbie sounded worried as she ordered someone on the staff to get me into an emergency room immediately. A few seconds later, I heard her timid voice page Dr. Lee.

_What? What's wrong?_

"What's going on? What's wrong with my baby?" I managed to say as a nurse hooked me to a monitor. Tubes were quickly attached to my entire body as soon as they lifted me onto the cold, sterile hospital bed.

"I'm sure everything is just fine," the older woman replied gently as she scribbled notations on a clipboard.

"Ow!" I screamed as the cramps started up again, causing me to double over in utter agony. The nurse looked down at me and then up at her counterpart. I could tell that something was terribly wrong as she sprinted across the room and called some kind of code. Within seconds, a team of medical professionals buzzed around me, led by my aunt.

_You have to understand you spent most of the summer lying to everyone about everything. And you made up all kinds of excuses that sounded really good, and it was hard to call you out on any of it._

"Lulu, I need you to hang in there for me," she said softly as she gripped my hand. I felt better knowing that she was watching over me.

"What's going on?" Monica demanded as she came into the room. Bobbie stepped away to talk to Dillon's aunt. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I could detect the worry in Bobbie's tone. Monica sighed deeply before she came back over. "Lulu, we're going to do everything we can. I'm going to have to give you anesthesiology so that we can do exploratory surgery."

"I want to see Dillon first," I implored, not sure what else to say. I wanted him to tell me that everything was going to be fine.

"Sweetheart, you can't," Bobbie insisted firmly. "We have to go in now. There just isn't time. I'll go out personally and explain everything to him."

_I am not saying that I don't believe you…_

"No, please, you can't leave me," I begged as I looked up into her gentle eyes. "Please, stay with me."

"Alright, I'll be here every step of the way."

"I'll page Alan and have him meet Dillon," Monica reassured me. "I will stay in and observe while Patrick Drake and Dr. Lee work on you. We are going to give you the best GH has to offer, Lulu. Don't worry."

"Monica," I said, grabbing her hand, "please ask Alan to tell Dillon that I love him. No matter what happens, please let him know that I love him."

"Now, we'll have none of that," Bobbie protested.

"Please," I pleaded.

_Well, I love you, and I believe you._

Monica nodded before turning to the staff. "We need to prep Ms. Spencer for surgery. Get Patrick Drake in here right now. Only senior staff will be admitted into this room. This surgery must go well. You are taking care of my family now."

"Aunt Bobbie, I need to ask you a favor."

"Anything, Lu," she promised me as she took my hand in hers.

"I know that you are going to tell me that everything is going to be okay, but if it's not…if I don't make it, I need you to take care of the boys for me. Not just Dad but Nikolas and Lucky. Especially Lucky."

_I know, I understand, and, really, I can't even say that you're wrong._

"You're right, everything is going to be fine. But if it makes you feel better, I would make sure they're okay. Just like you're going to be okay."

"I wish I could be as sure," I murmured before Patrick Drake appeared beside me.

"Alright, Lulu, are you about ready to rock and roll?" he grinned.

I nodded timidly. "Do your best."

"I'm the best there is, baby," he teased. "What do you say to a little bit of rock music and then we'll count backward? Any requests?"

_You believing in him is what's going to make all the difference._

"Play some Queen," I decided as the opening strains of "I Want to Break Free" filled the O.R. Then, following Patrick's directions, I started to count slowly backward. As the light faded, I finally allowed the darkness to overcome me. And before I knew it, I was gone.

By the time I woke up, I knew several hours had passed. The room was dark and my entire body ached. Before I even opened my eyes, I remembered that I was in the hospital. The steady beep of my monitor reassured me that I was alive, but I didn't know much else past that. I could barely move, and my throat was sore. As I struggled to talk, I realized that there was a tube down my throat.

_I need him, it's important._

Pain seared through my arm as I reached down to touch my stomach. I forced my eyes open to find a sleeping Dillon hunched over, his heavy weight resting against the edge of the bed. I wiggled my leg, hoping to jar him from his sleep. My attempt was successful as he shot up, his eyes wide with alarm. I tried to curl my lips into a smile but stopped as soon as I saw his red eyes. Something was terribly wrong.

"No," I said hoarsely. "No, no, no."

"Lulu, I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"Our baby can't be…" I murmured as he replied, "The baby is…"

Our voices joined together as we said a single word in unison.

"Gone."


	29. Chapter 29

She hasn't said anything in more than two days. I've spent countless hours next to her bed, holding her hand in silence and praying that she'll utter a single syllable. Everyone has been by to see her. Her brothers held vigil over her for most of the morning, and Elizabeth and Emily took a two-hour shift while I took a nap in the waiting room and showered in the staff changing room.

Luke has been by to check on her several times, but he still hasn't been in to see her. He's afraid that he'll say the wrong thing or push her further inside herself. He hasn't said it, but we're both afraid of the same thing. We're afraid that she has inherited Laura's disorder and that we are slowly losing her to the darkness.

_What are you doing?_

"Dillon, you have a visitor out here," Patrick Drake said from the door way. His eyes looked tired as he scanned Lulu's chart. She was doing better, but he wasn't ready to discharge her yet.

"I'll be right back," I told Lulu, kissing her knuckle lightly before leaving her alone. She doesn't respond as she turns to look out the window at the rainy sky. I want to scream at her to say something, but I know that it won't do any good.

"Has she said anything yet?" Patrick asked as we headed down the empty corridor.

I shook my head. "She nodded at me this morning when I asked if she was thirsty, but that's about it. She hasn't been eating much either. Patrick, am I going to lose her?"

"I wish I could tell you no and know for sure, but I can't. I don't think she has the same illness as Laura, but I can't be certain. Just keep talking to her and hopefully you will be able to get through to her. In the mean time, there is someone in there who would like to see you," he said, pointing toward the private waiting room at the end of the hallway.

"Laura, what are you doing here? Does Luke know?" I asked worriedly as I embraced the maternal blonde figure before me.

_What are you talking about?_

She smiled warmly and shook her head. "No one knows but Lucky. He brought me here," she replied. "He told me what happened to Lulu. I need to see my daughter. I think I can get through to her."

"No one else has been able to," I retorted sadly. "Her entire family has tried, and my family has been by as well. I keep trying. I really thought that if anyone could bring her back it would be me."

"She needs her mother," Laura confided knowingly. "She needs me."

"Okay," I agreed cautiously. "Her room is the second one on the left on the other end of the hall, #214."

"Come with me," Laura ordered. I followed her obediently down the hall, not sure what else really to do. "Lulu, honey, it's me. It's your mother."

_Just get it together, okay?_

Lulu's eyes shifted to where we stood in the doorway. Her gaze was empty. "Did you hear that, Lu? Your mom came to visit."

"Mom," she whispered hoarsely, as if she was finally breaking out of the haze. "Mommy," she cried.

"It's okay, Lulu, I'm here now. Your mother is here," Laura coddled her only daughter. Smoothing her blonde hair tenderly, she murmured inaudibly.

"Mommy," she repeated, her voice weak and vulnerable. I had never seen her like this, so childlike and innocent. I wanted to comfort her, but I understood now that it wasn't me she needed. She truly needed her mother.

_I'm doing the best that I can._

"I'll just leave you," I said quietly to no one in particular. Lulu looked up at me at that moment through her veil of tears. There was a look of recognition in her eyes and I could see her fighting to come to the surface. She opened her mouth to say something but quickly snapped it shut. "I love you," I mouthed before walking out the door.

In the hallway, I collapsed to the ground and started to sob silently. The tears came from somewhere deep in my core, inhibiting my entire being. I'm not sure how long they lasted, and it wasn't until a strong pair of arms wrapped around me that they even began to subside. "Dillon."

I looked up to see my mother huddling over me, concern shining in her eyes. I hugged her tightly, my tears quickly soaking the collar of her teal silk blouse. "She said something finally."

_I'm starting to figure out why my dad always bails…I mean, I've always known but now I think I understand._

"She did?" my mother asked carefully, helping to my feet. "What did she say?"

"Laura came, and Lu recognized her," I answered. "I want to hold her, I want to promise her that everything is going to be okay. I want to take away everything that has ever hurt her. I want to give her our baby back. I want everything to be different."

"You can't change anything that has happened in the past, Dillon. All we have is now. You have to give her something to live for now."

"I want to be with her, Mom. More than anything, I want to spend my life with Lulu. I want to be her husband. I want us to have a family," I confided. "I'm afraid she'll never be able to see me that way because of this. I'm afraid that something will always be missing."

My mom looked at me distantly. "Something will be missing," she declared. "Losing a child…whatever the circumstances, it's not something you ever really get over. You move forward because that's what you have to do, but you always remember that loss. It never goes away."

"Mom, I need you," I mumbled. "I've never really told you that before, but I need your help. I can't get through this without you. I'm going to have to be strong for her, but I need someone who can be strong for me."

_And everything that she loved and everything he loses when she's gone. I mean, even the Christmas angel. That's what he called her, Angel._

"I'm your mother, you have me," she reassured me. "The Quartermaines may not be perfect, but they love each other. The bond we share is like no other. You have an entire family to draw strength from."

"Excuse me," Laura said from behind us. "Someone wants to see you."

I didn't even stop to ask any questions before I took off running for her room. I paused outside the door and prayed that everything would be okay. Knocking softly on the door, I came in to find her sitting up on the bed. There was life in her eyes again. "Oh, Lulu," I murmured as I pulled the chair next to her bed. I reached for her hand and kissed her palm tenderly. "Can you talk to me?"

She nodded slowly, deliberately. "I have to do this one step at a time," she began. "My mother told me what happened to me, what's been happening to me. I'm sorry that I scared you."

"You're here now, that's all that matters."

"Dillon, I need to get help," she announced. "I talked to my mom and Patrick Drake. I'm going to start seeing someone right away."

"That's probably a good idea. I'll support you any way I can."

_And it wasn't a nickname, like cowboy or gumdrop. It's real. She was an angel._

"I understand that this probably changes everything. Now that there's no baby, I don't expect you to keep any promises. I know that the baby made you think you had feelings for me. Maybe that's part of the reason I went inside myself. I was starting to lose everything, so why not lose myself?"

"I'm in love with you, Lu. I loved you before the baby, and I'll certainly love you after this. I plan on loving you for the rest of our lives."

"Really?" she asked, tears welling in her eyes. "Dillon, I love you, you know that, right? I'm sorry that I lost our baby. I'm sorry that I ever thought about killing it. I never meant for this to happen."

"You didn't do anything, Lulu."

"Yes, I did," she sobbed.

"Look at me," I demanded, taking her face firmly in my palm. "You did not do this. You didn't do anything wrong. I don't blame you, so you can't blame yourself."

_And without her, he's incomplete._

"How do I do that? If I can't blame myself, then who do I blame, Dillon?"

"Blame me if you need someone to blame."

"It's not your fault."

"You're right. And it's not yours either."

"I…I wish I could feel that in my heart," she whimpered.

Taking her hand in mine, I pressed it to my heart. "If you can't feel it in your heart, feel it in mine. Feel it in my heart, Lulu."

My words brought on another wave of tears and sobs. I crawled on the bed next to her and held her shaking body tightly in my arms. Kissing her temple, I felt her relax slightly. I kissed her forehead, and she calmed more. Another kiss on the top of her head loosened her further. I kept kissing her and kissing her until the sobs had diminished and the tears dwindled. After a few more minutes, I could tell that she was drifting toward sleep. Just before she fell into a deep slumber, I heard her whisper, "I feel it, Dillon. I feel your heart."

_This is a symbol of their love._


	30. Chapter 30

"I lost my baby two weeks ago," a sullen girl recited next to me. Her eyes are hollow, dark bags infiltrating the pale skin below her lifeless green irises. "I was in a car accident. No one else was injured. Other than a cut on my leg, you can't even tell I was hurt. But my baby still died."

I glanced at her nervously and tried to muster somewhat of a smile. Her voice was so fragile, as if she could break at any minute. "Thank you for sharing your story, Lily," the group moderator said warmly. "Who's next?"

Tale after tale, I listened to the circle of young girls tell their story. Each sadder than the next, I dreaded for the time when she called my name. Just as that thought flashed through my mind, I heard my name. "Lulu, would you like to go next?"

_Lulu? What about her?_

"I…" my voice faltered as I looked at the group of women around me. Their lives were so sad, leaving them an empty shell of who they once were. "I can't do this." I didn't give anyone the chance to change my mind as I took off running, away from the group and away from the truth. I didn't stop until I was in the waiting room. I could feel the tears coming to the surface as my body grew hot. My legs began to shake as I sunk to the floor. Within seconds, Dillon was next to me, wrapping me in his comforting embrace.

"It's okay, Lu, I'm here," he murmured as he stroked my hair tenderly.

I shook my head vehemently. "Nothing is okay, Dillon. It's never going to be okay again. Those girls in there, they are not okay. They're all empty, just like me."

_I'm on my way. I'm coming, I'm coming._

"You're not empty, Lulu. You still have so much to live for," he tried to reassure me.

"Don't tell me how to feel!" I screamed, covering my ears as I started to curl into a ball. I could feel myself receding into my brain. I wanted to push him away and pull him next to me in the same breath. I wanted to let myself find comfort in him.

"I'm not telling you how to feel," he said pointedly. "But I am not going to sit here and watch you lose yourself. I am in love with you, Lesley, and I don't care what you say, I know you are in love with me. I've already lost my child, I'm not going to lose you, too."

"You deserve better than me. You deserve someone who wouldn't kill your baby," I whimpered, trying to ignore the fact that he had called me by my first name. Such a tender gesture meant more to me than anyone could ever know. "I lied to you. I almost had an abortion, and then I actually did let the baby die. I'm damaged goods."

_Lulu, hey. Hi, sorry to break this up. I got to talk to you._

"You are not damaged," he shot back. "You are beautiful. You are everything I have ever wanted in my entire life, all wrapped up in one amazing package. You challenge me to think about things I would never even consider. You push me to be the best possible version of myself. You hold me up when I'm falling apart. You make me believe in myself when no one else does."

"Just leave me alone, Dillon. It's what I deserve."

"No, you deserve to be loved. I can't take this away, Lu, I wish that I could. I wish I could take all your pain and make it my own."

"You have your own pain. I see it, Dillon, even if no one else does. I see it in your eyes. Your eyes tell me everything that I need to know."

_You're getting too obsessed with the mystery…It's not going to magically fix your life._

"Then you should see my eyes telling you that I love you because right now, that's all I feel. I am in love with you, Lulu. Please tell me that you love me."

"Dillon…"

"Please," he implored, his voice breaking up as the tears started to come.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I cried, turning my head to avoid his eyes.

"Please," he sobbed. "Please tell me that you love me."

_Who said that my life needed magical fixing?_

"Oh, Dillon," I sighed, turning back to him. No matter what was going on, I couldn't stand to hear him cry, to see him devastated. I was in love with him, and even if he deserved better, he didn't deserve to feel like I didn't care. "I love you more than anything, Dillon. Certainly more than myself right now. You're the only thing keeping me here."

"Then, hold onto that, Lu. I need you to just hold on for me."

"I don't know if I can."

"Do you trust me?"

I nodded. "You know that I do."

_This whole project of yours is getting Lulu way too mired in the past, and it's not healthy for her._

"Do this for me then," he begged. "We will be happy again someday, I'm going to make sure of it. We are going to get married and spend the rest of our lives together."

"When, Dillon? When is that going to happen?"

"Today, right now if you want it."

"Okay."

"Okay?" he asked, raising his eyebrow as he peered at me.

"Okay, let's get married. Right now, just you and me," I decided.

_I heard that you Quartermaines stick together, especially when things get a little tough._

"Are you serious?"

I nodded assuredly. "Yes. Will you marry me? Right now, today?"

"I'll marry you today, tomorrow and every day for the rest of our lives," he whispered as he pulled me close to him once again. Our chins bumped as he captured my mouth with his. "I love you."

"I love you," I echoed, clinging to him more desperately than anyone could ever know.

"Alright," Epiphany said softly from behind me. "We can't have you guys on the floor. This is a hospital, Ms. Spencer."

_And suspicion abounds…_

I looked around and realized we were still sitting on the floor of the waiting room at General Hospital. "I'm sorry," I apologized as Dillon pulled me to my feet.

"It's okay," she replied.

"Please don't tell anyone…" Dillon began before she put her hand up to stop him.

_And you seem to know something._

"I didn't hear a thing that I could repeat," she avowed before walking off to return to her duties. Just before she disappeared out of sight, she turned and looked at us. "But congratulations."

"I'll have to talk to Alan about giving her a raise," Dillon chuckled to himself as he folded his hand in mine. "Do you want to fly to Vegas? Or we could jaunt up to Atlantic City?"

I shook my head. "I want to get married in Port Charles."

_It wasn't just cheating. It was like a full-on, not-so-secret affair._

His eyes lit up suddenly, and I knew that the romantic in Dillon had just kicked in. "The boathouse. I'll call Father Coates and have him meet us there."

"Coming full circle? How cinematic of you," I teased. "It will end in the same place it began."

"This isn't an ending for us, Lulu, it's only the beginning."

_You're making a classic film structure mistake. You're assuming that the first answer you have is the right one._

"You almost make me believe that's true," I said almost in audibly as we slipped from GH and headed for the dark town car in the pouring rain.

"Father Coates? This is Dillon Quartermaine," he said into his cell phone as he threw me an exasperated glance at my last melodramatic comment. His words string together in a constant hum as he starts to explain everything to Port Charles' most notable priest. I don't hear anything he says again until the car slows down in front of my brother's house.

"Why are we at Lucky's?"

_We're not making a movie._

"I need to pick something up. I'll be back," he smiled before leaping from the car and jogging toward the porch. I watch as two of the most beloved men in my life talked and Lucky handed Dillon a concealed package. Lucky shook Dillon's hand and smiled distantly toward the car. Dillon nodded, said something else and then slipped back into the vehicle, soaked.

"What were you getting?"

"This," he revealed, handing me a small velvet box. "Open it."

"_No, we're not making a movie. But if we were, actually, this would be the part in the plot where we find out the crucial backstory of a prominent character that's furthering the storyline and making everything groovy and cool. But usually it's a smokescreen._

"Oh, Dillon," I gasped. "This is beautiful."

"This," he said, slipping it on my finger, "is yours. It's a very special ring. Each diamond has a meaning." He took my hand in his and pointed at the first stone. "This diamond came from my grandmother's favorite pair of earrings. Grandfather gave them to her on their first wedding anniversary, and Lila wore them every one after that."

"This diamond," he continued as his finger brushed over the second stone, "came from your grandmother Lesley's wedding band. It had three diamonds on it, and now one of them is in your ring."

_It doesn't mean that I've forgotten everything I know about directing. I mean, I'm bestowing my expertise on you. _

"This one," he explained, thumbing the fourth stone, skipping over the largest middle stone, "came from my mother. My father bought her a cocktail ring before I was born. This is one of the diamonds from the ring. Many things have come and gone in my life, but that ring – like my mom – has remained constant."

"And this one came from your mom," he went on. "This is the center diamond from the ring your father gave to your mom 25 years ago. I don't need to explain to you its significant; it's inherent. Their loves is one we can only hope to aspire to."

"And what about this one?" I asked emotionally, rubbing the largest middle stone.

"That is us, you and me," he concluded. "It's the biggest because it is the most important thing in the world to me. It's surrounded by our history, the people who love and support us. This ring, it's a little part of you and a little part of me."

_You take any good screenplay, and every scene in it was written for a reason. We need to start from the beginning._


	31. Chapter 31

I can't believe we're finally going to get married. My entire life, I have searched for something permanent. I never had a father, and I didn't really have a mother. We lived away from the rest of the Quartermaines, so I never knew my cousins or my grandparents or even my own brother. I was shipped from boarding school to boarding school, spending vacations with my mother and whatever boyfriend she had at the time. I lived all over Europe, moving before I could make any new friends. Nothing ever stayed.

And then, I met Georgie. I thought that she would be the one to stick. I fell in love with her instantly, from the moment she kissed me at Kelly's. We had four wonderful years together, and I will never regret a single moment that I spent with her. She was my first love, you never really forget about that. But, our time has come to pass, and I am in love with her anymore. I will love her for the rest of my life, but as I look at the beautiful blonde standing next to me, I am so glad that it didn't last.

"Are you sure you're ready to do this?" she whispered, lacing her fingers in mine.

_He really has a crush on you. It's kind of cute._

I smiled over at her and nodded slightly, "There is nothing I want more in the world."

Father Coates stepped up in front of us, opening his Bible. "Are you sure that you don't want to have your family or friends here?" he asked, looking between us.

I shook my head. "The only people that we need are here," I assured him, rubbing my thumb across her wrist absently.

"This is between God, Dillon and me," Lulu agreed. We had to have a witness, but neither of us wanted to pick someone. At the last minute, we had called Alice. She was an unlikely choice, but it felt appropriate considering how our relationship had finally got its definite start.

_Yeah, he's kind of cute, too._

"Dillon and Lulu are here to unite as one in the eyes of God," Father Coates began. "Marriage is a sacred bond between two people that begins and ends with love. They are blessed to have found that in each other."

Lulu laughed softly, "I can't believe we are doing this. I'm so happy that we are doing this."

"Lesley Lu Spencer, you never cease to amaze me," I said. "You challenge me in every way – my body, my mind, my heart, my soul. I thank God for you every night, and I will spend the rest of my life thanking Him for sending you to me."

"Dillon Quartermaine, I really wanted to hate you when I met you," she said. "You were this cocky, spiky-haired boy who thought he knew everything. In time, I've come to realize that you don't know everything, but you do know my heart. And now, I know yours."

_I don't know – he's sweet and obviously, no one would mess with him. I don't know, maybe I should go out with him._

Father Coates took Lulu's ring from the box and sat it on the Bible. Alice handed him another band, much to my dismay. "Now, Lulu and Dillon will exchange rings."

"No beginning, no end, our love goes on forever," I stated. "This ring will never symbolize how much I love you, but it's a good start. With this ring, I thee wed."

"Forever and always, this steel will stand the test of time," Lulu stated. "Unconventional and resilient, this ring has the same qualities that I value in our love. With this ring, I thee wed."

I slid the diamond band on Lulu's delicate finger, lingering to caress her gentle palm. Lulu placed the stainless steel, arty band over my own finger, her hand never leaving mine. Looking down at my hand, I grinned up at her. She knew me well enough to know exactly what I would pick out. Glancing at her questioningly, she whispered, "I picked it out last week. Alice brought it."

_What? Like a date? Like go out with him?_

"I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss your bride," Father Coates announced as my heart leapt from my chest. Grinning almost maniacally at Lulu – _my wife­ – _I took her into my arms and kissed her with more love and emotion than any kiss before. She sighed against my lips as we melted into each other.

Alice hugged us each as we pulled apart, her meaty arms strongholding us. "Congratulations, Miss Lulu," she grinned. "And you to, Mr. Dillon. I can't wait until your family finds out you eloped."

"Your grandfather is going to have a fit!" Lulu giggled.

"And your dad will be so cool," I shot back sarcastically. Her eyes shined as she leaned against me, her lips meeting mine. Rubbing her foot against my ankle, I took her signal and announced our exit. "Well, I think we are going to go. Thank you both for being here. Alice, please keep this quiet until tomorrow. We'll make our announcement then."

_Why are you being so weird? What is wrong with you?_

Taking Lulu's hand, I led her from the boathouse and into my car. A few short minutes later, we were home. "We're going to do this the right way," I whispered as we reached the front door. Sweeping her off her feet, I carried her over the thresh and into the living room. As I paused on the landing of the stairs, Lulu's lips captured mine. Our mouths crashed together over and over as I moved us up toward the bedroom. Stopping in the door way, I heard breath leave her body.

"Dillon, when did you do this?" she asked as I dropped her to her feet. Her hands covered her mouth, tears in the corners of her eyes. Candles lit the room, rose petals covered the floor. She wasn't the only one who had help. Lucky, Elizabeth, Nikolas and Emily had come over to help. I had tried to object, but they assured me that I was part of the family now.

_Nothing, I was just thinking. I think I figured out our next move._

"We had a little help from our family," I replied simply. "But enough about that." Palming her cheek, I leaned down and captured her sweet lips again. Moving my fingers up to her hair, I pressed my entire body onto hers, wanting to feel all of her at once. We hadn't been intimate since the baby died, and I knew that it would be a slow process. Still, I just wanted to be with her again, to feel as though we were one.

Lulu led me to the bed, kneeling on the mattress by the footboard. Her hair hung loosely around her face as she crossed her arms in front of her and lifted her shirt over her head. I reached out and snagged my finger through her belt loop until she fell on top of me. We wrestled for control as we moved together. Leaning back, Lulu removed my shirt and then my jeans. Soon, all clothing was gone, and we were left with just each other and nothing to hide.

_I know when she's covering…_

"Lulu, are you sure?" I asked as I hovered over her. I could see the fear in her eyes as she slightly flinched at my touch. "We don't have to if you're not ready."

"Please, Dillon, I just want to feel normal," she pleaded. "I just want to feel whole again. Fill me up, make me whole."

Tears were again in her eyes, only this time I could see the grief. "Maybe we shouldn't. I don't want to rush you. I don't want you to feel pressured."

_And right now, she's not even covering._

"I'm not," she insisted. "I'm sorry I'm crying. I just want to be with you, Dillon, in every way possible I want to have a family with you. I want to be your wife and the mother of your child."

"We have time," I reminded her. "We don't have to start now."

"Yes," she whispered. "Yes, we do."

_Maybe something else is going on._


End file.
